Feeling Lucky?

(A bonus poem and contest for all of my fans.  I hope life brings you luck whenever it can.)

 

Sometimes I feel like a little spoiled rotten brat,

because although I won this, I'd rather have that.

I have strange luck at scoring myself tickets to shows,
yet continue to whine about my other life woes.
For nearly six years I've lived in a little doll house.
It's a bit more than rustic - my cat has a pet mouse.
Sill, it's affordably priced and conveniently located...
and my extra income must be lost or post dated...
because each time I check my balance online,
there is not enough money.  It's not moving time.
Perhaps I could find a guest house like the Quaids,
and live as a happy squatter the rest of my days.
Still I think I'd wish for my own simple living space,
and hope to win lots of money to make it a cooler place.

© Rachel Hoyt 2010

Arpaio Anxiety

Note: this poem can be sung to the tune of Allan Sherman's song, "Camp Granada".

Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh,
Please retire in Santa Barbara.
Arizona's quickly changing,
Joe Arpaio's posse's rants the world estranging.

The last time I came for a visit,
I heard that he had gone ballistic.
You remember Xochil Peña?
Her poor grandma was harrased at work in Mesa.

All the smart guys seem to hate him,
and he refuses to debate them.
All the times he talks in public,
it seems he thinks he already runs his own Republic.

I'm surprised it doesn't scare ya,
that your neighbors often dare ya,
to volunteer with Arpaio's cronies,
'cuz they've loved him since he began with the pink chonies.

Please leave home, oh muddah fadduh,
stay with me, it's not a bother.
Don't stay there out in the desert where
the crazies think they know what's fair.

Please leave home, I promise you a fun filled time,
fresh produce and good local wine,
oh please don't make me beg,
that state's become a rotten egg.

Dearest Fadda, darling Mudda,
how's my precious, doggie brudda?
I can't wait to, let him kiss me.
Hurry over and admit you also miss me.

Wait a minute, the plan is failing,
crazy's spreading, saneness is flailing.
If he tries to, can we stop this?
Could Arpaio actually win the oval office?!

© Rachel Hoyt 2010 - 2011

Entertainment, Blogs, Comedy, Funny, Opinion, Writing

Teddyphobia Eradication

After hearing the results of a recent survey conducted by Travelodge...
I decided maybe it was time to retrieve my teddy bears from the garage.
Is it possible they'll no longer be seen as just a children's toy?
Will other adults finally admit their teddies still bring them joy?
I'm sure some will write off the facts because they are British,
but I'm hoping some Americans won't be quite that skittish.
Playing each day could be just what we need to endure...
until the economy recovers and we all feel more secure.
If one in four businessmen really do find comfort from them when traveling,
then the firm stereotype about manly men may finally be unraveling.

If you are now wondering about a good first day to play...
I recommend National Bring a Teddy Bear to Work Day.
I think I'll simulate a car pool with stuffed animals,
though I doubt the CHP will tolerate my shenanigans.
I will, however, be sure to avoid any extra ticket,
by ensuring my bears practice safe riding and "click it".
Once at work, they could hang at the empty workstations,
and cover up the recession caused office "evacuations".
It's time we admit we love our teddies more than we say,
and let them bring happiness to an otherwise mundane day.

I am concerned that teddyphobia eradication would have one likely demise:
acceptance of teddy abuse we were once known to despise.
Money laundering through stuffed animals would still be forbidden,
but would beating up Teddy Ruxpin for anger therapy be forgiven?
I'm worried there are lots of guys who've held onto their toys,
to make them do the dangerous tricks they dreamed of as boys.
Perhaps there are women who've saved theirs for the same reason...
they might advocate together for teddy bear hunting season!
Teddies everywhere might never again be safe from harm,
because we finally admitted they have a pseudo-adult charm.

I'm just so torn about how open my teddy love should be...
so conflicted about letting my stuffed animal love roam free...
thinking of the dance offs and tea parties they've missed...
and the years in storage during which they never got kissed...
I decided the best plan would be to take it one step at a time,
so I began by cleaning each to remove the storage grime.
Though stored in closed tubs, black dust somehow got in.
It is apparent I picked the right place to begin.
When I'm done I plan to lay outside and stare into the blue...
while I ponder the question, "What Would Roosevelt Do?"

© Rachel Hoyt 2010 - 2011