Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Thankfulicious


                   (Image courtesy of Felixco, Inc. )

T is for turtles, like my little girl Pokey.
She likes to watch me when I practice for karaoke.
If I can make her smile, I know my song will be a hit.
Once I think I she even bopped her head a little bit.

H is for hoodlums who help, like Cayman's Frankenmosquitos.
'cuz I think we'd all agree that getting bitten by bugs blows.
So, why not create special bullys to beat up the little guys?
Making stronger mosquitoes shouldn't make new problems arise.

A is for abstract judgments, i.e. regarding the coolest man.
I think the guy who posted that must be a Quidditch fan.
The best I can tell, it depends on how manly their pastimes are,
their rarity, and a fear factor at least equal to driving a race car.

N is for nerds and awesome inventions like the Oreo dipper.
Someone knew the perfect cookie dunk makes people more chipper.
It could probably prevent possible crying fits by little children.
For some kids it's traumatic when their cookie breaks and falls in.

K is for kind robbers who return loot to those more needy,
because stealing from the homeless is the epitome of seedy.
Those who do it deserve a very special punishment...
a day of panhandling where they must donate every cent?

F is for flying cars which will be for sale within the year...
Although the thought of amateurs flying them fills me with fear.
But, I'm glad we're sticking to the time line predicted in a movie.
Though I think the Back to the Future 2 vehicles were more groovy.

U is for unusual deaths which can turn your life into a legend.
In cool ancestor contests you'll be a force with which to be reckoned.
Hopefully those left behind you will have fun telling the story.
"In your sleep" is so last year... go for memorable yet un-gory.

L is for landmines being cleared quicker with the help of the rat nose.
Their desire to live among us peacefully if trained with treats shows.
Who knows, maybe next we'll teach raccoons to pick up stray trash.
That's a feat that, in the long run, could save cities a bundle of cash.

I is for invisibility, especially in regards to my privates on TSA scanners.
When did the federal government decide they didn't need to have manners?
For those who want something larger than a fig leaf to prevent peeking...
I hope soon, for the right price, an invisibility cloak will allow sneaking.

C is for collectors who allow the public to view their stuff...
or even to touch it if you promise not to play too rough.
The Pacific Pinball Expo is my most recent fun find of this type.
I hope when I make it there, it can live up to all the hype.

I is for independence, though some people take it too far...
for many, it's the first step to loving yourself just the way you are.
It's your choice to flaunt it or just be happy you found contentment.
Just know that marrying yourself could cause joy, laughter or resentment.

O is for overspending, like that to be done on Black Friday.
Camping outside Best Buy for a week isn't how I want to spend my day.
And for this couple, it's purely a desire to be first in line...
I hope they decide what they want to buy before its time.

U is for using pets in tricks that will make people smile.
This kitten's routine is the cutest I've seen in quite a while.
If ever I'm lonely, I know a cute animal can change that fast.
If only my pets' memory of tricks I show them would last!

S is for silly acrostics (like this) with much rhyme but little reason...
Just a weird conglomeration of stuff to smile about this holiday season.
If psycho shoppers, crazy drivers, or your own family were getting you down...
I hope these non-chemical mood altering experiences have erased your frown.

© 2010 - 2011 Rachel Hoyt









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Monday, November 22, 2010

Poor Randy Boy



One morning my radio spoke of squatters in Montecito,
and at first I thought the idea sounded quite neato.
Many estates in the area aren't lived in year round...
wonder how long I could live there before being found?

Then came the twist...  it's Randy and Evi Quaid!?!
In the guest house where their friends one stayed?
If they truly still own it, why not stay in the main house?
Also, no estate owner I know is as dirty as a louse.

Since then, the story has spread for all the world to see,
as he seeks asylum like a critter hiding in a tree.
But since I think publicity is what he really wants to get...
here's an O Danny Boy rewrite I hope you'll never forget.

------------------------------------------------------------

Poor Randy boy, the courts, the courts are calling,
Santa Barbara's not taking his side.
So now he's gone... to Canada ran crying.
Hollywood star whackers made him run and hide.

But he'll be back when more admit what they know,
or when producers offer him a show.
Then finally, to Santa Barbara court he'll go.
Poor Randy boy, poor Randy boy, they stalk you so.

© Rachel Hoyt 2010 - 2011

 

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Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Gadgetaholic


I never used to like that guy David Perry on KTYD 99.9.
I got annoyed from hearing his cell phone chirping all the time.
Still, I continued to listen because I enjoyed his partner Julie...
she pokes fun at David and keeps things from getting too unruly.

I recently learned he turns his phone off for funerals,
but I bet he'd still answer while visiting the urinals.
The scarier part is I find myself understanding him more...
I now play on mine for the two minutes in line at a store.

This change of heart came with the purchase of a smart phone,
I can now do blog and candle biz stuff no matter where I roam.
I was instantly addicted to carrying the Internet everywhere.
I worry friends will find my speak text feature elitist and unfair.

But, to ensure I don't miss out on further recently invented gadgets.
I'm reading blogs like Crunch Gear, Gizmodo and Engadget.
I found new multifunction office wear online at Neatorama.
The Daily What says try the edible spoon... you know I'm gonna!!

I would definitely feel cooler if my USB drive was biodegradable.
Animal shaped TVs make me wonder if my non-flat screen is tradeable.
I think a pair of laser scissors would make my craft time much more chipper,
and that tea time would be more fun if I owned a Penguin Tea Bag Dipper.

Oh no!  I think I may be addicted to snazzy gadget acquisition!
I wonder if there's an AA group for this technology addiction?
Despite my best efforts, my current cash flow simply can't afford the habit.
I knew I'd be the last gal with an in car espresso machine... dagnabit!

See, there I go again... encouraging my gadgetaholism,
instead of a more fiscally responsible mannerism.
I better get out and find myself some help... get a sponsor.
I wonder if my phone has a program for that in the hopper?


© Rachel Hoyt 2010 - 2011


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This poem has been entered in One Stop Poetry's One Shot Wednesdays.  Thanks for reading!  I hope you enjoy my rhyming ways.  :o)