Tips for Super Bowl Dipsticks
This rhyme is dedicated to those new to Super Bowl Sunday.
I'm here to help make sure that you have a fun day.
and came up with these tips for Super Bowl dipsticks.
If you're wondering, at these parties, what people like to eat,
it seems chicken wings, guacamole and chips can't be beat.
Just the guac consumed would spread twelve feet thick on the field.
(With chips and wings, how many full stadiums would that yield?)
If you're told that guests should bring something to drink,
remember people are much more predictable than you think.
Americans drink enough beer that day to fill 493 Olympic pools!
Those who bring non-beer to parties risk being called fools.
If you'd rather be the gal with the perfect parting gift
and can find a good deal on antacid super swift,
use that to help friends avoid the 20% post game sales surge
and fight the "I don't feel like going to work on Monday" urge.
You probably shouldn't speak of the bowl's carbon footprint,
but if, perhaps, you chose to rebel and drop a big fat hint...
310,000 tons of emissions are generated by Super Bowl Sunday.
That's actually enough to make most Americans feel bad, OK?
So, don't be a dipstick. Bring or make guac, wings and beer.
Enjoy watching the game (and commercials) with those you hold dear.
Stock up on medicine you may need to recover from the party.
And, most importantly, try not to arrive tardy and make sure to root hardy!
© 2012 - All Rights Reserved - Rachel Hoyt
