Showing posts with label funny news. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny news. Show all posts

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Thursday Thoughts - On Bitcoins

Bitman's Tree
by Rachel Hoyt
 
image by idea go via freedigitalphotos.net
 
 
For generations, Bitman males
Had dreamt of growing cash -
Great great grandpa wrote down his fails
And how his pa was rash
To think that planting a few coins
Could sprout unbridled wealth -
(He tested ways to nurture loins
And what brings money health.)
He never did make money trees
Or his son after him,
But little Billy Bitman, (geez!)
His vision was less slim -
"Bits of data around the world
Are like rare gems," he thought.
Soon a new type of coin unfurled,
Not seen, but often bought -
It floated around time and space
With more, then less, value,
No one could see the tree's home base,
But still his dream came true -
A calculation burst a seed
And people bought its leaves,
Fertilized with secrets and greed,
It grew cash one perceives.
 
© 2013 Rachel Hoyt. All rights reserved.
 
 
Bitcoins (to some) are the latest, greatest thing,
but I believe its an imaginary value they bring.
 
 
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Saturday, September 29, 2012

Saturday Scribbles - Gambling vs Gaming

Gamebling
by Rachel Hoyt
 
image by Grant Cochrane via freedigitalphotos.net
 
 
The other night, I felt remiss,
Was missing online poker bliss -
Bat'ling beefcakes for cash chips,
Watching chat screens for whining lips,
Forgetting all of life's grimy grits,
While playing for pennies and sharp'ning my wits.
 
Then I stumbled upon a site,
Which instantly brought me delight -
It seems that gaming subscriptions
Have been deemed not to cause addictions,
Because somehow, once again, legally,
I'm bluffing, check raising, and going 'all in' with glee.
 
 
© 2012 Rachel Hoyt. All rights reserved
 
 
 
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Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Tuesday Tickler - Loonie Love Limerick

Loonie Love Limerick
by Rachel Hoyt
 
image by razvan ionut via freedigitalphotos.net
 
 
A woman was peeved at her mate
for not taking her on a date.
Her love was the sky.
She wanted to fly,
 
 
© 2012 Rachel Hoyt. All rights reserved.

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This poem was written for Mad Kane's Limerick-Off contest,
where there are so many laughs, it's hard to be the best.
 
 
P.S.  A loonie's a person who loves balloons.
You can see more here. (No, it is not cartoons.)

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Thursday Thoughts - Selling Handmade Crafts Online



Dear Conscientious Consumers,

You may have heard the rumors
It could be true that they paid
someone else to make a whole bunch,
but if they could hardly pay for lunch
with the income from that "handmade" necklace,
then their hourly rate is totally reckless!
Also, if you've seen someone wear
something that seems to closely compare,
and didn't break quickly "because it's antique".

The fact is that it's near impossible to survive
selling crafts as the economy takes a nose dive
and stores lower their prices to try to stay alive
and consumers seek prices that allow consuming to thrive.

No artisan who aspires to create crafts with vim
and patiently produces the quality she dreams of within,
should charge a cheap wage for an ounce of their time
or rush through creating and think things will be fine.
Their orders might take a little longer to ship out
because there's no one to help or boss about
and the selection of products might not be as vast
because capital becomes "income" as sale free times last.
We work hard and should be easy to spot.
Our stuff usually makes you say, "Dang that costs a lot."
But remember, we're making something with true style.

Thanks for buying handmade (even once in a while)!

Sincerely,

Rachel Hoyt
of Rhyme Me a Smile


© 2012 Rachel Hoyt.  All rights reserved.

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Sunday Surprise - Crazy Crime Limerick

Moo Crimes
by Rachel Hoyt

Image by Luigi Diamanti via freedigitalphotos.net


A guy had a notable knack
For stealing himself a milk snack.
He dressed like a cow
And crawled out with a wow -

© 2012 Rachel Hoyt.  All rights reserved.


This rhyme was written for Mad Kane's Limerick-Off
where the punch lines will make you snicker, not scoff.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Sunday Surprise - Dumb Criminal Limerick

Whoa!  Woe.
by Rachel Hoyt

Image by chawalitpix via freedigitalphotos.com


A man was recounting his woes,
The fact that he stupidly chose,
To pocket his phone
Although he'd known
It loves the cops like a brown nose.

He had noticed a few butt dials
But didn't fear criminal trials
'Til he heard ding-dong
And before too long
Came to face the police men's smug smiles.

© 2012 Rachel Hoyt.  All rights reserved.


This rhyme was written for Mad Kane's Woebegone Limerick Off
and because this idiot car thief article made me laugh my arse off!


Sunday, March 11, 2012

Sunday Fun Day - Shrill Limerick on Women and Men

Smiles from Frowning
by Rachel Hoyt

Image by bulldogza via freedigitalphotos.net
A gal who was terribly shrill
Told her hubby it wasn't a thrill
To break his joystick
To make her point stick
But she smiled as he cried, "You killed Bill!"
© 2012 Rachel Hoyt.  All rights reserved.

 
This poem was written for Mad Kane's Limerick-Off
(where poets and rhymers go to show off)
and inspired by the news that women

 
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Thursday, March 8, 2012

Thursday Thoughts - Johnny Appleseed

Johnny's Seed
by Rachel Hoyt



didn't spread seeds randomly,
he planted crops, showed no greed,
traveled as a missionary...

Or so they say, but did you know
those apples mostly made hard cider -
liquor made them worthy to grow.
Prohibition was the divider...

As liquor became scarce and taboo
to many an alcoholic's dismay
Doctors began saying that you
should eat one apple per day.

A Swedenborgian vegetarian
who owned land but settled nowhere.
A never-been-married humanitarian
who showed animals and insects much care.

You would that think such a man
would have coined the phrase
but sometimes, try hard as we can,
dichotomies are thrown in the maze.

Do you think that Johnny drank
his apple a day all his years?
Or when told that drinking was rank,
did he quit and preach more) to his peers?

© 2012 Rachel Hoyt.  All rights reserved.



March 11th is Johnny Appleseed Day.
Will you celebrate the hard cider way
or by chewing apples to prevent tooth decay?

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Thursday Thoughts - Dumb Criminals

Three Limericks Inspired by Dumb Crimes of the Week
by Rachel Hoyt
Image by Simon Howden via freedigitalphotos.net

Many criminals are smart as tacks and smooth as snakes,
but some have short lived careers and seem like fakes.
They're so funny that you just don't know what to do,
except if you're me, who writes rhymes for you.


If you make yourself an ID
To take to the bank for money
Pick one you look like
(Some plain dude named Mike)
Don't pose as a celebrity.

© 2012 Rachel Hoyt. All rights reserved.


When making yourself a website
It's important to get the name right
But don't name your crime
Or you will do time
And the whole world will laugh with delight.

© 2012 Rachel Hoyt. All rights reserved.


Bank robbers don't always succeed,
So bring the cab fare you may need.
You can't just go back
For the cash you lack
But the cabbie will make you concede.

© 2012 Rachel Hoyt. All rights reserved.


 
Each Thursday I post an original rhyme
inspired by wacky news of the time.
 Click on the above titles to see
the news stories that inspired me.
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Tuesday, February 28, 2012

You Tube Tuesday - Crazy McDonalds Rice Mix

Taste Bud Suicide
by Rachel Hoyt
In my day we mostly mixed soda,
like the recipe came from Yoda,
but things always get taken to new levels,
'cuz deep down we're curious little devils.
© 2012 Rachel Hoyt.  All Rights Reserved.




Josh from "Its Tiger Time" invented You Tube Tuesday so we could each share one video a week which we found to be fun, inspiring or otherwise noteworthy. If you choose to participate, don't forget to leave your links in my comments section (so I can come visit you) and on Josh's page (so you can be part of the contest). I hope you like this week's selection!


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Thursday, February 23, 2012

Thoughts on Credit, Fine Print and Aliens

Otiose
by Rachel Hoyt
image by Simon Howden via freedigitalphotos.net


I have a friend who knows a guy
that knew a girl who lived by
this guy Otiose we called Otis
who thought that real life could kiss...

He said fairytales can and do come true.
Credit's there to make life easy for you.
No need to worry about tomorrow.
Risk and buy joy now to squash sorrow.

For a time his plans seemed to be working out.
The stock market showed him love for a bout.
He bought himself a really big fancy house
which he liked to lounge around in like a louse.

Then one day aliens invaded the earth
and took everything that he had of worth
and his insurance refused to reimburse him
and creditors would no longer lend on a whim.

Otiose hadn't bothered to read the fine print,
which would have given him more than a hint.
If he too had believed aliens might steal his stuff,
he would have demanded a warranty more buff.
 
 
If Otiose had bought with cash and not credit,
he might have had his own money to re-get it,
but when those aliens took his beloved computer,
he learned credit and fine print are joy looters.

© 2012 Rachel Hoyt.  All rights reserved.

Each Thursday I post an original rhyme
inspired by thought provoking news of the time.
This week I learned a certain computer warranty
has no alien invasion coverage for thee.

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Sunday, February 19, 2012

A Limerick On College Donations and Restrooms

image by anankkml via freedigitalphotos.net

A Potty Plaque for Giving Back

A fellow who had a degree
Gave back to his school gen'rously
When they said his cash
Bought him the backsplash -
His thoughts could inspire all who pee!

© 2012 Rachel Hoyt.  All rights reserved.




This limerick was inspired by this article on Neatorama
and written for Mad-Kane's Limerick-Off.


Thursday, February 2, 2012

Thursday Thoughts: Super Bowl Sunday

Tips for Super Bowl Dipsticks

Image by Idea Go via freedigitalphotos.net

This rhyme is dedicated to those new to Super Bowl Sunday.
I'm here to help make sure that you have a fun day.
So I did a bit of research and read some statistics
and came up with these tips for Super Bowl dipsticks.

If you're wondering, at these parties, what people like to eat,
it seems chicken wings, guacamole and chips can't be beat.
Just the guac consumed would spread twelve feet thick on the field.
(With chips and wings, how many full stadiums would that yield?)

If you're told that guests should bring something to drink,
remember people are much more predictable than you think.
Americans drink enough beer that day to fill 493 Olympic pools!
Those who bring non-beer to parties risk being called fools.

If you'd rather be the gal with the perfect parting gift
and can find a good deal on antacid super swift,
use that to help friends avoid the 20% post game sales surge
and fight the "I don't feel like going to work on Monday" urge.

You probably shouldn't speak of the bowl's carbon footprint,
but if, perhaps, you chose to rebel and drop a big fat hint...
310,000 tons of emissions are generated by Super Bowl Sunday.
That's actually enough to make most Americans feel bad, OK?

So, don't be a dipstick.  Bring or make guac, wings and beer.
Enjoy watching the game (and commercials) with those you hold dear.
Stock up on medicine you may need to recover from the party.
And, most importantly, try not to arrive tardy and make sure to root hardy!

© 2012 - All Rights Reserved - Rachel Hoyt


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Monday, January 30, 2012

YTT - Would you bet your son he couldn't do backflips every day?

The Parental Bluff

Some dads don't make bets with their sons -
the silly responsible ones -
but some dads, they do,
and some mothers too.
The child "wins" but they too gain tons.

© 2012 - All Rights Reserved - Rachel Hoyt







Josh from "Its Tiger Time" invented You Tube Tuesday so we could each share one video a week which we found to be fun, inspiring or otherwise noteworthy.  If you choose to participate, don't forget to leave your links in my comments section (so I can come visit you) and on Josh's page (so you can be part of the contest).  I hope you like this week's selection!


I have also shared this post at D'Verse Poets' Pub -
a great place for poets amonst the internet hub.
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Thursday, January 26, 2012

You Can't Survive on Chicken Nuggets Alone

This rhyme was inspired by a 17 year old girl in the U.K.
who has never eaten a fruit or vegetable to this day.
and has recently realized this diet comes with regrets.


Color Me Nutritious
Image by xedos4 via freedigitalphotos.net

When Sally was little, she didn't eat eggs.
She said they contain invisible ungrown legs.

When Susie was little, she hated hot dogs,
bananas, Popsicles and nut-covered cheese logs.
She claimed that some food shapes can cause throat clogs.

When Steven was a younger, more innocent dude,
he swore that he'd never buy nor eat any green food.
He still refuses to buy salad (though dates think it's rude),
and chocolate covered grasshoppers. "They're green too, dude!"

Since Stewart was a tiny lad he's liked to keep things clean,
and feels it best not to eat foods that are brown, red, or green...
pretty much all shades of colors not clear, white, or cream,
because stains aren't as easy to remove as they seem.
Sometimes, if eating out, he'll indulge the full food color scheme.

When Sarah was little she told her dad to buy lots of stock,
because there was one opinion she planned to stick to like a rock,
"Chicken Nuggets are the only food I plan to eat.
Finding plentiful dipping sauces will be my life's feat.
I'll find the fine flavor combos that can't be beat!"
Then, one day, Sarah collapsed in the Arizona heat.

Little Sally's egg phobia earned her a bit of ridicule.
At age 13, she licked an egg for the "cool kids" at school.

Susie eventually realized that she was even less likely to choke
on hot dogs or cheese logs than on an artichoke.

Steven fell in love with a woman named Kelly,
who ate so much asparagus that her pee was smelly.

Stewart never allowed colored foods in his house
and all his life, his only roommate was a little white mouse.

But Sarah, she's the one who's food habits changed her life,
the one who's failure to love more than one food caused her strife.
Because she'd eaten only chicken nuggets for so long,
she spent the rest of her life making up for eating wrong.
She never tasted the bliss of pizza, bacon or donuts
for fear of becoming completely nutritionally nuts.

© 2012 - All Rights Reserved - Rachel Hoyt


Tuesday, January 10, 2012

YTT - Dr. Seuss Burning Man


Out in the desert, there is a place
that brings a smile to many a face -
Where alter egos abound,
And Much unique art is found,
Where people live wild and free
And roam dirt streets filled with glee.

When Dr. Seuss wrote of places we'd go,
I definitely think he imagined this show.

© 2012 - All Rights Reserved - Rachel Hoyt

Thank you, Boing Boing, for sharing this video!


Josh from "Its Tiger Time" invented You Tube Tuesday so we could each share one video a week which we found to be fun, inspiring or otherwise noteworthy.  If you choose to participate, don't forget to leave your links in my comments section (so I can come visit you) and on Josh's page (so you can be part of the contest).  I hope you like this week's selection!

Friday, October 14, 2011

Mythical Middle Ground

Photo © Rachel Hoyt 2011

While many in my country are bickering about
who's to blame for all the things that they must live without,
poisoning the earth's aura with anger and rage
instead of working to find ways to get on the same page,

I see that the whole world is really not all that different.
Many feel their life's lacking.  All are seeking merriment.
The recession is everywhere.  Commercial vacancies abound.
In the world's largest mall, very few stores can be found.

The fact we're in these hard times makes it more interesting
to see the new spending opportunities the economy brings.
A new company in Norway is renting mini-submarines out.
I certainly can't afford it, but I'm not going to pout.

I also can't afford less wrinkles or a more perfect smile,
but I hear being perfectly imperfect has been popular a while.
I sometimes enjoy a nice, trendy theme restaurant,
but the Cultural Revolution brought memories that haunt.

I always thought I was a gal who enjoyed the extremes,
yet these days I feel it's not as much fun as it seems.
Sure, the perfect middle ground may not actually exist,
but is the only alternative to spend our whole lives pissed?

Our picket lines and spending opportunities are getting bolder,
but our sympathy towards others is quick growing colder.
While I still admire those who can stand up and fight,
finding middle ground now seems the more important plight.

© Rachel Hoyt 2011.  All rights reserved.


This poem is being shared at D'Verse Poets Pub's Open Link Night. 
I suggest you head there to read more poetry tonight!

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Book Review - Every Thing On It by Shel Silverstein

(click to buy on Amazon)

Shel Silverstein deserves a rave rhyme review
for his latest posthumous message to you. 
(In case you didn’t know, this is number two.  
Runny Babbit came out after his death too.) 
This poetry compilation is 100% Shel
and retains his beloved style quite well. 
Through kids, creatures, animals and “things”,
many further messages he brings. 
He finally tells us why people write rhymes
and that happy endings don’t exist  - just good times. 
He writes of a new diet, though I don’t think I’ll try it,
and of flamingos stealing things in hopes we’ll buy it. 
He illustrates with words the power of please
and why garlic breath brings many to their knees. 
It even has a bit of romance and a fantasy ball game. 
As expected, Shel’s way of saying goodbye is anything but plain.

© Rachel Hoyt.  All rights reserved.


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This rhyme was written for Smiley Sociology Study #9.
Come over and join in!  It's book review time.

I'm also sharing this at the Poetry Pantry
where there's much more lovely poetry to see.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Yo Ho, Yo Ho, a Pirate Ramble for Ye



I remember hearing once on the radio,
some silly local morning show,
that Santa Barbara faced a peculiar threat.
Those words they read, I'll never forget.
They said that pirates could attack us some day.
I laughed pretty good and (in my mind) said, "No way!"

Years later the threat seems a little more real.
Perhaps Captain Jack Sparrow renewed our zeal?
Or maybe it was those guys who started that holiday
that Dave Barry wrote about - Talk Like a Pirate Day?
Of course, we could blame the Somalians themselves.
That's easier than thinking we caused it ourselves.

None of this explains why Santa Barbara is in danger
of being attacked by some scary pirate stranger.
I never found the source of the radio man's statistic,
but Google showed me a scenario that was realistic.
In fact it's not just realistic, it actually happened in the past.
The Santa Barbara Mission may have endured canon blast.

I wonder if they left behind any buried treasure?
The quest to find it would bring me much pleasure.
I hear the Ortega family uncovered some booty.
Their chest came from the Catholics.  How snooty.
Still, I think I should get a metal detector to check for cursed gold.
It could be under my place for all I know.  It's definitely old!

© Rachel Hoyt.  All rights reserved.

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This rhyme is being shared at the Poetry Pantry.
If you're visiting from there, please leave your links for me.

Monday, September 5, 2011

Kill a Cock, Stop a Cockfight



He can feel how he feels, but his methods are so-so.
He enjoys enforcing the law with extreme gusto
and doesn't care if the impact feels like a low blow.

Now he and Steven Segal are filming reality TV,
earning fame doing things that seem senseless to me.
(They somehow managed to kill an innocent puppy
when their tank and SWAT team raided a property.)

They say they were putting an end to cock fights,
and I definitely feel for the fighting cocks' plights,
but I can't say the Sheriff's actions promote animal rights.
It'd be better if they'd lived to have more fun nights.

Perhaps there was no available rooster rescue
to provide a happier, more peaceful venue,
where they could do the things that roosters do,
like frolic outdoors and yell cock-a-doodle-do!

Still, I'd rather see the Sheriff open his own retail store
where he could sell rescued roosters, gangster's guns and more.
Find a better way to be rough and tough, I implore.
Sheriff, stories of your lawsuits are becoming a bore.

© Rachel Hoyt 2011.  All rights reserved.

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This rhyme is being shared at the Poetry Pantry,
an excellent place to go to read poetry.
If you're visiting from there, please leave your links for me.