Happy Talk Like a Pirate Day! Got Patch?

The Nictitate Patch, A Bit of Pirate Jestory

by Rachel Hoyt

image by James Barker via freedigitalphotos.net

As dawn crept near one summer day,

In a beach town, surfers around, one scallywag did lay.

He had winked at near ev'ry lass who braved walking his way.

He loved to "Arrr!" and "Yarrr!" in bars, but was misunderstood.

"Those who 'Arrr', 'Yarrr', and nictitate we holy folks find rude."

Said the preacher, "Abandon his ship of fakey flattertude!"

Then Patch the pirate hatched a plan,

To cover his woe, so none would know, still he winked like a man.

Try as he might to hide from the light, his eyelid is a fan.

One day the patch will flip up fast and he'll be made to tell,

But if his nictitate patch could latch, it would likely sell -

No one wants winks to damn them to hell.

© 2012 Rachel Hoyt. All rights reserved

 

 

This poem was inspired by a comment Bryan White left on my Wacky Word poem, "Nictitate".  Happy Talk Like a Pirate Day!  Hope yarrrs is great!

Technorati Tags: Pirate, Talk, Poem, Rhyme, Nictitate, Poem

Bottles of Bubbly

Image by Matt Banks via freedigitalphotos.net



As bottles and bottles of bubbly are being bought

to toast the new year and stock up local yachts,

I found myself curious about this sweet nectar

and decided to ask Google to be today's lector.

I already knew of the rule from the Treaty of Madrid,

but I learned a few things not known by most kids.

I (now) won't drink champagne from a short or wide glass.

It lets bubbles out faster and without them I'll pass.

I also now believe I could create a bottle-a-day-diet.

Only 9 grams of sugar! (Someone would try it.)

Did you know champagne can be used to entertain visually?

If you drop a raisin in, it will bounce... or so they tell me.

Madame Veuve Clicquot invented the riddling rack,

which pushed Champagne production into the fast track.

Many say Dom Perignon invented the French bubbly drink,

but that statement is not quite as true as they all think.

He was actually trying to prevent the bubbles from forming,

but fate wouldn't let them cease scrumptiously swarming.

Most of us couldn't fathom spending thirty-five grand

to buy the most expensive bottle found in the land.

We also couldn't afford to fill up the bathtub

with three-hundred-fifty bottles from the pub.

But each of us consumes millions of bubbles with one cheers,

that is, if you are drinking Champagne this New Years.

© 2011 - All Rights Reserved - Rachel Hoyt

Brought To By Wine.com, Purveyors of Fine Wine and Champagne

Technorati Tags: Champagne, Sparkling Wine, Rhyme, Humor, Facts, Poetry

Yo Ho, Yo Ho, a Pirate Ramble for Ye

I remember hearing once on the radio,

some silly local morning show,

that Santa Barbara faced a peculiar threat.

Those words they read, I'll never forget.

They said that pirates could attack us some day.

I laughed pretty good and (in my mind) said, "No way!"

Years later the threat seems a little more real.

Perhaps Captain Jack Sparrow renewed our zeal?

Or maybe it was those guys who started that holiday

that Dave Barry wrote about - Talk Like a Pirate Day?

Of course, we could blame the Somalians themselves.

That's easier than thinking we caused it ourselves.

None of this explains why Santa Barbara is in danger

of being attacked by some scary pirate stranger.

I never found the source of the radio man's statistic,

but Google showed me a scenario that was realistic.

In fact it's not just realistic, it actually happened in the past.

The Santa Barbara Mission may have endured canon blast.

I wonder if they left behind any buried treasure?

The quest to find it would bring me much pleasure.

I hear the Ortega family uncovered some booty.

Their chest came from the Catholics.  How snooty.

Still, I think I should get a metal detector to check for cursed gold.

It could be under my place for all I know.  It's definitely old!

© Rachel Hoyt.  All rights reserved.

Technorati Tags:  Entertainment, Pirate, Treasure, Humor, History, Poetry

This rhyme is being shared at the Poetry Pantry.
If you're visiting from there, please leave your links for me.

Cracking Cascarones

Image by Simon Howden via freedigitalphoto.net

Once a year in Santa Barbara the streets get covered in confetti.

I doubt the clean up crew ever really feels they're ready

for the onslaught of Fiesta and it's trail of debris -

the millions of paper remnants it inevitably leaves.

If one in four of the thousands of annual visitors

buys four cascarones from the ladies on the perimeters,

that would mean at least ten thousand glittery eggs

leaving a pile of confetti down under your legs!

As the paper piles began to form not too far away,

I wondered what the cascarone was meant to say?

Though I find some joy smacking my friends on the head,

this act must mean more to someone who is long dead.

Sure enough, the tradition dates super far back,

although an exact date my resources did lack.

Perfumed powder was the very first cascarone filler,

but breaking the egg has always been the thriller.

I didn't expect to learn that they came from the Chinese.

Marco Polo carried them to Europe across land and seas.

Maximilian's wife Carlotta brought them over to Mexico
and there the people created the confetti version that we know.

They say cascarones commonly celebrate the end of lent.
 They are used to invite ladies to dance with a gent.
After forty days with no meat nor freedom to boogie
it breaks over your head, then you get down and groovy.

This year when I venture to get my taco and churro,
I think I'll look differently at that confetti down below.
Though we may not be using them for the religious purpose,
It is the time of year we party to let go of all that irks us.

Like many before us, we crack the cascarone as our sign
that it's time to party down in whatever way which you pine.
And, if you're not a fan of Fiesta's tasty Mexican food,
crack cascarones over dim sum.  They invented them, dude.

© Rachel Hoyt 2011.  All rights reserved.


Technorati Tags: Entertainment, Blogging, Fiesta, Humor, Mexico, Poetry

Patty vs. Paddy

by Rachel Hoyt


                    Image courtesy of freedigitalphoto.net

Patty is derived from the name Patrick.
Paddy's comes from Padraig (which is Gaelic).
It is best to say St. Patty's Day.
Throw paddy wagon memories away.
Don't torture the Irish geriatrics.

© Rachel Hoyt.  2011 All rights reserved.

Click here to read yesterday's limerick about Leprochauns.

Click here to read the next limerick in the series: Guinness Limerick.

Technorati Tags:
Entertainment, Blogging, St. Patrick, Humor, Limerick, Writing

Leprochaun Limerick

by Rachel Hoyt


                    Image courtesy of freedigitalphoto.net

I've always wanted to befriend a leprochaun;
a mystical friend to party with until dawn.
We'd search for rainbows together,
find gold in the rainy weather,
and ensure no four leaf clovers get stepped on.

© Rachel Hoyt.  2011 All rights reserved.


Click here to read yesterday's limerick about St. Brigit.

Click here to read the next limerick in the series: Patty vs. Paddy.

This limerick is being shared at Theme Thursday and  One Shot Poetry.
Click on over to their sites. There's lots more good stuff to see.


Technorati Tags:

Entertainment, Blogging, St. Patrick, Humor, Limerick, Writing