Yo Ho, Yo Ho, a Pirate Ramble for Ye

I remember hearing once on the radio,

some silly local morning show,

that Santa Barbara faced a peculiar threat.

Those words they read, I'll never forget.

They said that pirates could attack us some day.

I laughed pretty good and (in my mind) said, "No way!"

Years later the threat seems a little more real.

Perhaps Captain Jack Sparrow renewed our zeal?

Or maybe it was those guys who started that holiday

that Dave Barry wrote about - Talk Like a Pirate Day?

Of course, we could blame the Somalians themselves.

That's easier than thinking we caused it ourselves.

None of this explains why Santa Barbara is in danger

of being attacked by some scary pirate stranger.

I never found the source of the radio man's statistic,

but Google showed me a scenario that was realistic.

In fact it's not just realistic, it actually happened in the past.

The Santa Barbara Mission may have endured canon blast.

I wonder if they left behind any buried treasure?

The quest to find it would bring me much pleasure.

I hear the Ortega family uncovered some booty.

Their chest came from the Catholics.  How snooty.

Still, I think I should get a metal detector to check for cursed gold.

It could be under my place for all I know.  It's definitely old!

© Rachel Hoyt.  All rights reserved.

Technorati Tags:  Entertainment, Pirate, Treasure, Humor, History, Poetry

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St. Patrick Limerick

by Rachel Hoyt


                    Photo courtesy of freedigitalphoto.net

There once was a man named Saccat,
who wandered 'round Ireland and taught.
Good things come from God.
Naughty pirates rob.
Listen to St. Patrick we ought.

© Rachel Hoyt.  2011 All rights reserved.

This limerick is the first of seven I will post to celebrate St. Patrick's Day.  Click the little St. Patrick link above to learn a bit of history about the man of honor and why in the world I would choose a pirate's flag as the image for this rhyme!  Click here to read the next Limerick in the series.

This poem is being shared in the Poetry Pantry.  Come on over for more beautiful poetry to read. 

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Drunken Turtle Pirate Road Trip

        Jessi drew this especially for me!!!  :o)  © Jessi Finicum 2010.  All rights reserved.


When a drunken turtle pirate takes a road trip,
It’s bound to be a grand adventure…
Because the main purpose of any city hop skip,
Is to escape the bonds of daily life’s indenture.

To ensure the most memories possible,
A drunken turtle pirate driver follows these five rules.
But be forewarned, trouble is cause-able,
Because mischievous stuff like this ain't taught in schools.

Ye shall be tempted to seek me treasure,
but yaar just a silly land lubber matey.
Plunder ye happily if such be yer pleasure,
but fear ye the depths, the locker, and Davey.

Rule #1: Always watch for the local crazy signs…
because you never know what fun stuff there will be.
One Arizona city posts “Your Now Beyond Hope” two times…
No matter which way you drive through, you’ll see.

Rule #2: If you smell treasure nearby, stop and plunder.
Gems and other riches could be hiding nearby.
So keep a metal detector and excavation kit down under.
When you can, stop and give mining a try.

Rule #3: One memorable souvenir is a must…
Be it from nature or sneakily obtained, even better.
Bring a partner whom you can trust.
You’ll find treasures galore with a go-getter.

Rule #4: Never be afraid to take that scary looking shortcut.
Unexplored routes are likely to be ripe with bounty.
Four wheel drive is required for this stage of the gauntlet.
Triple-A doesn’t tow in this part of the county.

Rule #5… only to be tried by those with nothing to lose…
Always pick up strangers in orange jump suits.
An unexpected offer for a ride and some booze,
might just make a convict shake in his boots.

Of course, as the pirate always says of his code,
these are more like guidelines than actual rules.
It's just my drunken turtle pirate road trip mode,
you can invent your own using these tools.

Wherever ye travel, I hope it be pleasin.
Aye dat no scallywags be teasin.
Shiver ye timbers with memories of adventure.
Arrr, let rum be yer life's only indenture.

© Rachel Hoyt 2010 - 2011

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This rhyme is being shared via One Stop Poetry #25.
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