Drunken Turtle Pirate Driving

                     Photo courtesy of tungphoto via freedigitalphotos.net

I never thought I would be the type,
to swear like a pirate while driving.
But to say I don't profanely gripe,
would be blatant, preposterous lying.

I always start out 100% calm,
then suddenly feel surrounded by crazy.
My stomach begins to qualm,
and my benevolence towards others turns hazy.

I understand they're in a rush,
but it really doesn't help the traffic flow...
to sweep across lanes & such,
leading the fast lane 'til you absolutely must go.

I realize that mistakes may happen,
when you're wandering streets like a stray.
But, new neighborhood = pay attention...
enough to realize that traffic goes only one way.

And don't get me started,
on the proper angles for turning,
Or parking retarded...
both make my anger start burning.

I bet the drivers around me laugh,
as I make bold hand gestures and yell...
wishing I could rip their car in half,
or bring justice by casting a magic spell.

I guess we all are really just,
roadside entertainment for each other.
And I would like to suggest,
that it's not worth angering one another.

While I may not be able,
to change your silly driving habits.
I suggest we flip flop the fable,
by thinking like turtles, not rabbits.

We all know the kids' book,
where the tortoise beats the hare in a race.
Slow & steady was all it took,
for him to reach his destination in first place.

You may find that, like me,
you complain (without audience) to cope.
I hope eventually they'll see,
that their short cut maneuvers are a joke.

Perhaps when that occurs,
the traffic will finally flow free.
'Til then, excuse my words...
a drunken turtle pirate I must be.

© Rachel Hoyt 2010 - 2011