Wednesday, November 24, 2010


                   (Image courtesy of Felixco, Inc. )

T is for turtles, like my little girl Pokey.
She likes to watch me when I practice for karaoke.
If I can make her smile, I know my song will be a hit.
Once I think I she even bopped her head a little bit.

H is for hoodlums who help, like Cayman's Frankenmosquitos.
'cuz I think we'd all agree that getting bitten by bugs blows.
So, why not create special bullys to beat up the little guys?
Making stronger mosquitoes shouldn't make new problems arise.

A is for abstract judgments, i.e. regarding the coolest man.
I think the guy who posted that must be a Quidditch fan.
The best I can tell, it depends on how manly their pastimes are,
their rarity, and a fear factor at least equal to driving a race car.

N is for nerds and awesome inventions like the Oreo dipper.
Someone knew the perfect cookie dunk makes people more chipper.
It could probably prevent possible crying fits by little children.
For some kids it's traumatic when their cookie breaks and falls in.

K is for kind robbers who return loot to those more needy,
because stealing from the homeless is the epitome of seedy.
Those who do it deserve a very special punishment...
a day of panhandling where they must donate every cent?

F is for flying cars which will be for sale within the year...
Although the thought of amateurs flying them fills me with fear.
But, I'm glad we're sticking to the time line predicted in a movie.
Though I think the Back to the Future 2 vehicles were more groovy.

U is for unusual deaths which can turn your life into a legend.
In cool ancestor contests you'll be a force with which to be reckoned.
Hopefully those left behind you will have fun telling the story.
"In your sleep" is so last year... go for memorable yet un-gory.

L is for landmines being cleared quicker with the help of the rat nose.
Their desire to live among us peacefully if trained with treats shows.
Who knows, maybe next we'll teach raccoons to pick up stray trash.
That's a feat that, in the long run, could save cities a bundle of cash.

I is for invisibility, especially in regards to my privates on TSA scanners.
When did the federal government decide they didn't need to have manners?
For those who want something larger than a fig leaf to prevent peeking...
I hope soon, for the right price, an invisibility cloak will allow sneaking.

C is for collectors who allow the public to view their stuff...
or even to touch it if you promise not to play too rough.
The Pacific Pinball Expo is my most recent fun find of this type.
I hope when I make it there, it can live up to all the hype.

I is for independence, though some people take it too far...
for many, it's the first step to loving yourself just the way you are.
It's your choice to flaunt it or just be happy you found contentment.
Just know that marrying yourself could cause joy, laughter or resentment.

O is for overspending, like that to be done on Black Friday.
Camping outside Best Buy for a week isn't how I want to spend my day.
And for this couple, it's purely a desire to be first in line...
I hope they decide what they want to buy before its time.

U is for using pets in tricks that will make people smile.
This kitten's routine is the cutest I've seen in quite a while.
If ever I'm lonely, I know a cute animal can change that fast.
If only my pets' memory of tricks I show them would last!

S is for silly acrostics (like this) with much rhyme but little reason...
Just a weird conglomeration of stuff to smile about this holiday season.
If psycho shoppers, crazy drivers, or your own family were getting you down...
I hope these non-chemical mood altering experiences have erased your frown.

© 2010 - 2011 Rachel Hoyt

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Monday, November 22, 2010

Poor Randy Boy

One morning my radio spoke of squatters in Montecito,
and at first I thought the idea sounded quite neato.
Many estates in the area aren't lived in year round...
wonder how long I could live there before being found?

Then came the twist...  it's Randy and Evi Quaid!?!
In the guest house where their friends one stayed?
If they truly still own it, why not stay in the main house?
Also, no estate owner I know is as dirty as a louse.

Since then, the story has spread for all the world to see,
as he seeks asylum like a critter hiding in a tree.
But since I think publicity is what he really wants to get...
here's an O Danny Boy rewrite I hope you'll never forget.


Poor Randy boy, the courts, the courts are calling,
Santa Barbara's not taking his side.
So now he's gone... to Canada ran crying.
Hollywood star whackers made him run and hide.

But he'll be back when more admit what they know,
or when producers offer him a show.
Then finally, to Santa Barbara court he'll go.
Poor Randy boy, poor Randy boy, they stalk you so.

© Rachel Hoyt 2010 - 2011


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Wednesday, November 17, 2010


I never used to like that guy David Perry on KTYD 99.9.
I got annoyed from hearing his cell phone chirping all the time.
Still, I continued to listen because I enjoyed his partner Julie...
she pokes fun at David and keeps things from getting too unruly.

I recently learned he turns his phone off for funerals,
but I bet he'd still answer while visiting the urinals.
The scarier part is I find myself understanding him more...
I now play on mine for the two minutes in line at a store.

This change of heart came with the purchase of a smart phone,
I can now do blog and candle biz stuff no matter where I roam.
I was instantly addicted to carrying the Internet everywhere.
I worry friends will find my speak text feature elitist and unfair.

But, to ensure I don't miss out on further recently invented gadgets.
I'm reading blogs like Crunch Gear, Gizmodo and Engadget.
I found new multifunction office wear online at Neatorama.
The Daily What says try the edible spoon... you know I'm gonna!!

I would definitely feel cooler if my USB drive was biodegradable.
Animal shaped TVs make me wonder if my non-flat screen is tradeable.
I think a pair of laser scissors would make my craft time much more chipper,
and that tea time would be more fun if I owned a Penguin Tea Bag Dipper.

Oh no!  I think I may be addicted to snazzy gadget acquisition!
I wonder if there's an AA group for this technology addiction?
Despite my best efforts, my current cash flow simply can't afford the habit.
I knew I'd be the last gal with an in car espresso machine... dagnabit!

See, there I go again... encouraging my gadgetaholism,
instead of a more fiscally responsible mannerism.
I better get out and find myself some help... get a sponsor.
I wonder if my phone has a program for that in the hopper?

© Rachel Hoyt 2010 - 2011

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This poem has been entered in One Stop Poetry's One Shot Wednesdays.  Thanks for reading!  I hope you enjoy my rhyming ways.  :o)

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Spreading Smiles

  Image used courtesy of Stuff No One Told Me.  Thank you Alex!

Statistics by blogger has slipped me a hint for a rhyme topic.
Responding to their stats kinda makes me feel philanthropic.
It seems a few have found me when seeking "a rhyme about smiles".
Lucky for me, my blog title led them straight to my poetry files.
Evidently, I'm not the only adult who misses reading Dr. Seuss,
or who feels that smiling at silly rhymes should need no excuse.

Smiling often, for some, is not so easy to put into practice.
For them, grinning though depression feels like sitting on a cactus.
In situations where surrounded by "just put on a happy face" devotees,
Lethargic they feel - as if judged by jury of plastered on smile zombies.
Everyone has a happy place somewhere... at least that's what I think.
Smiling is contagious... so if you're not doing it, your friends stink!

Singers have been writing songs about this activity for years.
Many comedy shows are written with the goal of joyful tears.
I bet if you sit out in public, people watching for five minutes.
Lots of reasons to smile will appear in the form of life snippets.
Everywhere you go there are plentiful fun life scenes to see.
Sitting on your couch... there's TV, movies, and bloggers like me.

Stuff No One Told Me is a great comic blog whose point of view I find nice.
At the Duchesne, fun news is presented with a sprinkle of blog writer spice.
I think the "life narrative" I've followed longest is Kristine's Wait in the Van.
Confessions of a Recovering Cynic is super fun... check it out if you can.
Awesome stick figures and wacky semantics abound at Doug's I Like Cheese.
Scott's Tip of the Day is entertaining.  That bloggy lawyer is the bee's knees.

Since my smile needs vary I also keep an arsenal of funny movies handy.
Many days I find new smile themed music as joyful as a bowl of candy.
I try to rotate through each smile type to befit my daily personal style.
Those around me evoke new grins and smirks every once in a while.
Engaging your friends in random acts of craziness can also be good...
So long as the wacky behavior isn't out of control or misunderstood.

Simply put, there's a million reasons we ought to grin no matter what.
My friends, I'm grinning now despite a huge dark purple bruise on my butt.
You see, I had a little spill the other day getting off the ladder from my loft.
In a test of grace moment, the cabinet corner smashed my butt so soft.
Even though I hurt in nearly every standing or sitting position possible,
Smiling is a sacred daily practice I find (drug assisted) is still  plausible.

So... get out there today and find the thing that makes you smile the most.
My hope is you'll take time to go visit the links I shared within this post.
If you need "help", you could surgically inhibit frown ability with botox.
Whatever it takes to smile throughout life's school of hard knocks?
Everyone likes to take stress breaks for a funny joke or video.
So please share a smile today with someone special you know.

© Rachel Hoyt 2010 - 2011
If you like the comic shown above and are seeking holiday gifts with images you love...  click here or here to visit Alex's store.  He sells his art on t-shirts, coffee mugs, and more!

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This rhyme and The Mood Ring Game have been entered in Jingle Poetry's poetry potluck Mondays.  :o)

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Friends Like a Box of Chocolates

Like choosing a chocolate out of a fine box of candy,
each for different reasons, I think my friends are dandy.
But lately I've been thinking maybe I should branch out...
just to see what other random people's lives are about.
The sociologist in me doesn't get to do enough studies.
That's why I need a very diverse group of buddies.
Now that I've amassed a small following on the Internet,
I thought I'd throw some ideas out there and see what I get.

I'd like to hang out at least once with a snake charmer,
especially if he or she lived a double life as a farmer.
It might be a common combo somewhere near the Pink City,
but only a rare soul would live that life anywhere near me.
No matter what, I want to know if I could be trained,
or if snake charming power is from birth ingrained.
I did master both the flute and recorder growing up,
pungi is the next most similar instrument if moving up.

I'd like to befriend someone trying to obtain a world record.
Depending the activity, maybe I'll get a fan club on board.
I'm interested in the type who has turned a leisure time task,
into something so grandiose, the art scene should bask.
For instance, a person who builds a card house that truly rocks,
or perhaps a structure made of jenga pieces or domino blocks.
I'm not sure what type of person hangs out in that crowd...
"let loose" type engineers?  Frat boys?  Just thinking aloud.

I'd like to meet more gals who like to hula hoop...
maybe together we could start a hip swirling troop.
I've only twirled the loop maybe twice since childhood...
But both times the birds chirped, "Hey, you did good!"
(Yeah, that's right... I can interpret what the birds say.
It's easy if you don't let semantics get in the way.)
I hear you need not be a hippy to shake your caboose.
You need only a deep desire to find a way to let loose.

I'd like to meet one of the luckiest people on earth,
to see if their near death experience increased their self worth.
I bet they have interesting insights thanks to their incidents.
Do they think things happen for a reason or are just coincidence?
Do they live every day with a fear of random collision?
Or, did testing invincibility become their new life mission?
Though I laughed harder than I ever have at one of you tube's videos,
I know the real life experience would have made me loose my cheerios.

I'd like more friends that do voices and make prank calls.
They often say and do things for which I don't have the balls.
Living vicariously through their antics would brighten my day,
especially if it meant "celebrities" would call me to say hey.
We could make Bart Simpson style calls to our favorite bar,
or play dialer's roulette if our linguistic skills were to par.
That's when you dial random digits and come up with a plan,
just as soon as there's an answer... thinking as fast as you can!

I'd like to hang a few times with someone who has their own pet monkey.
That's a parent-child relationship dynamic that I've been dying to see!
I've always thought chimps made adorable facial expressions.
I wonder if I could teach them to do celebrity impressions?!
Perhaps we could train him or her to help around the house?
After all, my cat is required to know how to catch a mouse.
On the other hand, I'm worried about the possibility of attack.
Monkeys can really hurt you when mad.  I should think about that.

I'd like to be friends with 411 and 911 operators because,
I think they see a side of America that's missed in the buzz.
Sure, there are occasional stories of a ridiculous call,
but they make up a small part of the news overall.
I want to know how often strange calls come in real life,
and I apologize in advance for laughing at others' strife.
Are the callers using these operators for free therapy?
Don't girlfriend's still meet to sympathize over tea?

Anyhow, this list above is just the beginning; just a starter.
Perhaps you'd like to do a link exchange / online friendship barter.
Just leave a comment here to let me know what you're all about.
Perhaps a six degrees of separation association you figured out.
If you don't meet the criteria, but still want to show me some love,
click the share buttons below or the SU button to the right and above.
I'm just a simple gal who hopes her wacky rhyming gets into to you...
that you have a fun blog visit and leave to smile the whole day through.

© Rachel Hoyt 2010 - 2011

Luxury Easter Chocolates

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