In just over a month I celebrate my thirty-third birthday,
and for the first time since 30, I expect to enjoy that fine day.
It's not that I didn't try to have fun the last two years...
it's just that I've been plagued by thirty-something fears.
I'd been warned and told "no one's immune, you'll see."
But like many happy 29 year old's I thought, "nah, not me."
12:01 AM on the thirtieth anniversary of my birth,
I awoke with a fear which proved that warning's worth.
The weather outside was dark, wet and windy.
Branches hitting the house poked the worry strings in me.
I couldn't sleep knowing a huge sycamore tree loomed above.
So, I called an expert to predict survival in a loft shack vs. tree shove.
I tried pep-talking myself to stop acting like an old lady.
I wrote on my mirror, "Fear only that which is shady."
I started seeing a shrink and popping pills to calm down.
Those little round things worked wonders at ending a frown.
But overall, I didn't feel all that much better,
and I still found my fear causing thoughts to be clever.
When my eyes were dry, I worried that they would pop out.
If one dared question why, it's likely I'd shout.
I began inspecting my entire house daily before bed,
because of an anaconda in the toilet article I read.
I postponed my desire to take a Mexican cruise,
when my fear of attack by pirates became less of a ruse.
I no longer like camping due to renewed belief in bigfoot.
The chinese are looking for him and I await their input.
One of my friends has a pet cockatoo she keeps in a cage.
I'm worried he'll break out and attack me in a rage.
On a day to day basis I wonder if my food is killing me,
but now, more than that, I fear my whiskey's made of pee.
So... what is the difference between this year and the last?
How did I make thirty-something fears a thing of the past?
When the fears and uncertainties come creeping into my mind...
I google the probability of occurrence to see what I can find.
Even with low odds, I like additional reassurance,
that's why I love my new sales agent for insurance.
She's always happy to help no matter my call frequency.
She'd never make fun of the weird fears she hears from me.
She has enlightened me on what my renter's insurance covers.
I now sleep better though the sycamore tree still hovers.
It even covers belongings stolen by pirates while traveling!
Thanks to insurance, my thirty-something fears are unraveling.
If you're trapped by fears, I recommend giving Stef a call.
She's my Farmer's Insurance agent who seems to do it all.
It's not often I'll include a shameless plug within my rhyme,
so you can be sure I mean what I say at this time.
If she hadn't helped contain my thirty-something fears,
the stress on my heart could have shortened my years.
© Rachel Hoyt 2010 - 2011