Thursday Thoughts - Johnny Appleseed

Johnny's Seed

by Rachel Hoyt

Mr. Johnny Appleseed

didn't spread seeds randomly,

he planted crops, showed no greed,

traveled as a missionary...

Or so they say, but did you know

those apples mostly made hard cider -

liquor made them worthy to grow.

Prohibition was the divider...

As liquor became scarce and taboo

to many an alcoholic's dismay

Doctors began saying that you

should eat one apple per day.

A Swedenborgian vegetarian

who owned land but settled nowhere.

A never-been-married humanitarian

who showed animals and insects much care.

You would that think such a man

would have coined the phrase

but sometimes, try hard as we can,

dichotomies are thrown in the maze.

Do you think that Johnny drank

his apple a day all his years?

Or when told that drinking was rank,

did he quit and preach more) to his peers?

© 2012 Rachel Hoyt.  All rights reserved.

 Technorati Tags: Johnny Appleseed, Apple a Day, Rhyme, Humor, News, Poetry

March 11th is Johnny Appleseed Day.

Will you celebrate the hard cider way

or by chewing apples to prevent tooth decay?

The Blog Gifts of Christmas Past

Image by chrisroll via freedigitalphotos.net

I called upon the Ghost of Christmas Past to guide me

through the list of blog gifts I'd written down beside me

because sometimes you need a set of fresh eyes to spot

the message in front of you which currently you're not.

My first gift was a Hatian love potion recipe that made me say "Ewwww"

and a sinister revenge story where the bad man becomes beefy stew.

The Ghost told me some people have a gross way of showing love,

but the question is, does it fit the recipient's needs like a glove?

My second gift was a friend selected, singing sea turtle video -

the famous Crush from Finding Nemo on some unknown show.

The Ghost said that this showed that the friend knew me,

and knew how to make me smile without spending a penny.

The third gift was a story of gifts we've hidden and/or forget...

Wait.  Let me get this straight.  You have present's unopened yet?

The Ghost said some presents mean more while wrapped pretty.

It's the mere existence of the present that fills some with glee.

The fourth gift was a tale of purchasing presents with a plan,

planning in advance and preempting death, when you can.

The Ghost said that it's good to always think and buy for others...

and he hopes the sentiment didn't die with our grandmothers.

The fifth gift reminded me that I have the daily "gift" of solitude.

Those who say the single gal is lucky aren't trying to be rude.

The snoring sounds from the Ghost told me he was one of them.

I bet even he wishes for a night of rest now and then.

The sixth gift was the idea of giving NO gifts on "Jesus' Birthday" -

Alienating others while pleasing God the old fashioned way.

The Ghost had awoken from his nap and chimed in,

"The line between moral and moron is quite thin."

The seventh gift was the near and dear opposite of number six -

having a wealth of "make strangers happy and spread love" tricks.

The Ghost agreed this most neglected but wonderful gift of cheer

is the one we should try to nurture more and more each year.

The eighth gift was a reminder of the corruption of gifting -

the greed of Black Friday zombie-ism into Thursday is drifting.

The Ghost said not to worry, evil like this will always be around,

and in hell, scenes of consumer desparation abound.

The ninth gift mentioned an interoffice, Secret Santa gift exchange -

a scenario which often turns out memorable, funny or strange.

The Ghost told me these are your chance to throw a curve ball.

The gift that causes a group laugh is the most valuable of all.

The tenth gift was the reminder that people will surprise you,

and when you take their wit for granted it's easy to do.

The Ghost laughed and said, "So, have you figured it all out?

The surprise sociological knowledge is your true present, no doubt."

He vanished through the wall before I could voice my response,

but I think that he listened from afar, despite his nonchalance.

"When gifting you should think with your heart, not your head,

and ponder how the memory will be recalled when you're dead."

© 2012 - All Rights Reserved - Rachel Hoyt

Technorati Tags: Gift, Story, Rhyme, Humor, News, Poetry


If you want a link to your blog to appear in a rhyme,
try out the next study... it's a rhyming good time!

Catch Santa If You Can

image by digitalart via freedigitalphotos.net

You could catch mommy kissing Santa Claus,

Stopping to shake one of your dog's paws,

Sneaking a drink a bit stronger than milk,

Or cleaning up the drink he spilt.

"How can we do that if he's fake?" you say.

Visit iCaughtSanta.com today.

They can help you catch Santa at your house...

and it's easier than catching a sneaky mouse.

2011 - All Rights Reserved - Rachel Hoyt

The Grinch and Godzilla

Image by Simon Howden via freedigitalphotos.com

The Grinch has a friend named Godzilla.
He treats him like a pet Gorilla.
They make people frown
In malls around town
Then relax at the Grinch's villa.

© 2011 - All Rights Reserved - Rachel Hoyt

Thank you Neatorama for inspiring this limerick!

Gadgetaholic

I never used to like that guy David Perry on KTYD 99.9.
I got annoyed from hearing his cell phone chirping all the time.
Still, I continued to listen because I enjoyed his partner Julie...
she pokes fun at David and keeps things from getting too unruly.

I recently learned he turns his phone off for funerals,
but I bet he'd still answer while visiting the urinals.
The scarier part is I find myself understanding him more...
I now play on mine for the two minutes in line at a store.

This change of heart came with the purchase of a smart phone,
I can now do blog and candle biz stuff no matter where I roam.
I was instantly addicted to carrying the Internet everywhere.
I worry friends will find my speak text feature elitist and unfair.

But, to ensure I don't miss out on further recently invented gadgets.
I'm reading blogs like Crunch Gear, Gizmodo and Engadget.
I found new multifunction office wear online at Neatorama.
The Daily What says try the edible spoon... you know I'm gonna!!

I would definitely feel cooler if my USB drive was biodegradable.
Animal shaped TVs make me wonder if my non-flat screen is tradeable.
I think a pair of laser scissors would make my craft time much more chipper,
and that tea time would be more fun if I owned a Penguin Tea Bag Dipper.

Oh no!  I think I may be addicted to snazzy gadget acquisition!
I wonder if there's an AA group for this technology addiction?
Despite my best efforts, my current cash flow simply can't afford the habit.
I knew I'd be the last gal with an in car espresso machine... dagnabit!

See, there I go again... encouraging my gadgetaholism,
instead of a more fiscally responsible mannerism.
I better get out and find myself some help... get a sponsor.
I wonder if my phone has a program for that in the hopper?

© Rachel Hoyt 2010 - 2011

Entertainment, Blogs, Comedy, Funny, Opinion, Writing


This poem has been entered in One Stop Poetry's One Shot Wednesdays.  Thanks for reading!  I hope you enjoy my rhyming ways.  :o)

Grandma's Nemesis: The Shoe Tree

Last week a beloved shoe tree burned to the ground.
A wacky monument is lost and can never be found.
The funny thing is... I heard of it long ago,
but didn't think it existed - guess now I know.

It was the focus of one of grandma's favorite rants,
and involved a picnic, former friends and some ants.
Her story was that the Idaho shoe tree had begun,
'cuz her friends wanted to teach her how to have a little fun.

They were all enjoying a picnic underneath said tree,
and conversing about what it really meant to be free...
All had helped their families survive the Great Depression,
and felt they had learned a quite valuable lesson...

Though hard work was required to pay the bills,
they felt it should be rewarded with certain frills.
Grandma didn't completely agree with what they planned to do,
but knew if she objected, the friendship would be through.

In an attempt to make sure their parents couldn't refuse,
they decided whatever they wanted replaced, they should loose.
They agreed that new shoes would provide immediate comfort,
much more than could come from new pants, shirt or skirt...

The dissention began as they chose where to ditch the evidence,
'cuz grandma felt throwing shoes in a tree didn't make any sense.
Furthermore she thought the end result would be an eye sore,
and didn't want to see it every time she walked past to the store.

Somehow her friends convinced her to "have fun" just this one time,
and that this placement for their statement was actually quite prime.
The group of friends counted to three & yelled... "New shoes!!!"
then threw thiers high up in the tree, despite possible social taboos.

Unfortunately, they hadn't realized they were so close to an ant hill,
and that while they were "playing" the colony had not stood still.
Some ants were stealing their bread, cheese and meat,
and others were viciously biting their shoeless feet.

In the end, grandma had had no fun whatsoever,
and felt the shoe tree idea wasn't all that clever.
All she ever received was a "new" hand-me-down pair,
which were even more uncomfortable than the last one to wear.

She complained about that shoe tree for as long as she lived...
the silly monument / eye sore wasn't easy to forgive.
She cringed every time she walked or drove past the lake,
still angry about the "fun" risk her friends made her take.

The only joy she ever found was from hard work and money.
Having savings stored up in the bank was the only way she felt free.
If she were still alive, I bet she'd throw a party to celebrate,
sorry grandma, someone did burn it down... just a little too late.

© Rachel Hoyt 2010 - 2011

(This poem is being shared on Poets United's Poetry Pantry.
Visit them now if you wish to read more fantastic poetry.)

National Enquire-what???

This weekend I read the National Enquirer for the first time in years,
and realized that If I’d loved the old one, this copy would’ve brought me to tears.
When did they stop writing about conspiracy theories, UFOs and such?
Is asking them to differ from People & US Weekly really too much?

I suppose no one else covered the secret life of Jackie Chan,
without NE, I’d still think he was a good family man.
And, no where else could I get the play by play,
on Whitney Houston’s Scandinavian food bingeing day.

But, seeing Gary Coleman’s “death house” just seemed intrusive.
And, reading Palin family secrets in print feels a little abusive.
Warren Beatty’s daughter is apparently becoming his son,
and Michael Jackson’s dad is exploiting the little ones.

Sure, celebrity gossip has a certain entertainment value,
It’s not all that easy to make the same story sound new.
But I wish they’d go back to the ones that sounded made up,
Something like, “3 month old Baby Can Lift a Pickup Truck!”

Perhaps I’m remembering the old version all wrong,
maybe I’ve disliked their news all along.
Perhaps I need to see it in new light,
what the readers want, they research & print… right?

Next time I see it… think I’ll flip right to the very last page,
where they write of true “Acts of Kindness” in this day and age.
Until then, I’ll continue my search for weird news…
please let me know if you have material I can use.

© Rachel Hoyt 2010 - 2011