This weekend I read the National Enquirer for the first time in years,
and realized that If I’d loved the old one, this copy would’ve brought me to tears.
When did they stop writing about conspiracy theories, UFOs and such?
Is asking them to differ from People & US Weekly really too much?
I suppose no one else covered the secret life of Jackie Chan,
without NE, I’d still think he was a good family man.
And, no where else could I get the play by play,
on Whitney Houston’s Scandinavian food bingeing day.
But, seeing Gary Coleman’s “death house” just seemed intrusive.
And, reading Palin family secrets in print feels a little abusive.
Warren Beatty’s daughter is apparently becoming his son,
and Michael Jackson’s dad is exploiting the little ones.
Sure, celebrity gossip has a certain entertainment value,
It’s not all that easy to make the same story sound new.
But I wish they’d go back to the ones that sounded made up,
Something like, “3 month old Baby Can Lift a Pickup Truck!”
Perhaps I’m remembering the old version all wrong,
maybe I’ve disliked their news all along.
Perhaps I need to see it in new light,
what the readers want, they research & print… right?
Next time I see it… think I’ll flip right to the very last page,
where they write of true “Acts of Kindness” in this day and age.
Until then, I’ll continue my search for weird news…
please let me know if you have material I can use.
© Rachel Hoyt 2010 - 2011