Showing posts with label dumb criminals. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dumb criminals. Show all posts

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Sunday Surprise - Dumb Criminal Limerick

Whoa!  Woe.
by Rachel Hoyt

Image by chawalitpix via freedigitalphotos.com


A man was recounting his woes,
The fact that he stupidly chose,
To pocket his phone
Although he'd known
It loves the cops like a brown nose.

He had noticed a few butt dials
But didn't fear criminal trials
'Til he heard ding-dong
And before too long
Came to face the police men's smug smiles.

© 2012 Rachel Hoyt.  All rights reserved.


This rhyme was written for Mad Kane's Woebegone Limerick Off
and because this idiot car thief article made me laugh my arse off!


Thursday, March 1, 2012

Thursday Thoughts - Dumb Criminals

Three Limericks Inspired by Dumb Crimes of the Week
by Rachel Hoyt
Image by Simon Howden via freedigitalphotos.net

Many criminals are smart as tacks and smooth as snakes,
but some have short lived careers and seem like fakes.
They're so funny that you just don't know what to do,
except if you're me, who writes rhymes for you.


If you make yourself an ID
To take to the bank for money
Pick one you look like
(Some plain dude named Mike)
Don't pose as a celebrity.

© 2012 Rachel Hoyt. All rights reserved.


When making yourself a website
It's important to get the name right
But don't name your crime
Or you will do time
And the whole world will laugh with delight.

© 2012 Rachel Hoyt. All rights reserved.


Bank robbers don't always succeed,
So bring the cab fare you may need.
You can't just go back
For the cash you lack
But the cabbie will make you concede.

© 2012 Rachel Hoyt. All rights reserved.


 
Each Thursday I post an original rhyme
inspired by wacky news of the time.
 Click on the above titles to see
the news stories that inspired me.
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Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Imbiciles Turn Criminal


        Image by scottchan via freedigitalphoto.net

This economy seems to be breeding criminals,
desperate souls longing for an easier road.
I fear their inexperience made them imbeciles,
the main reason their own plans implode.

Desperate souls longing for an easier road,
embrace the fantasy of high stakes trickery.
The main reason their own plans implode:
they act fast though still unsure and jittery.

Embracing the fantasy of high stakes trickery
is quite risky, so be sure to weigh the cost.
If acting fast although still unsure and jittery,
remember one dumb move can get you tossed.

Despite the risk and need to weigh the cost,
calling the police for advice isn't so smart.
Remember one dumb move can get you tossed
and some places it is illegal to publicly fart.

Calling the police for advice isn't so smart.
They might come to check you out.
Though here it's not illegal to publicly fart,
the law still gives some reason to pout.

They'll surely come to check you out
if you leave a personal belonging behind.
The law gives even more reason to pout
when enforced due to your forgetful mind.

If you leave a personal belonging behind,
find yourself a good disguise and secret hideaway.
When law's enforced due to your forgetful mind
you'll wish you'd listened to my words this day.

Find yourself a better disguise and secret hideaway,
if the item sold or money exchanged was fake.
You'll wish you'd listened to my words this day
and decided to take an indefinite crime break.

If the item sold or money exchanged was fake,
you could still get yourself thrown in the slammer.
Decide now to take an indefinite crime break.
Avoid mentally whacking yourself with a hammer.

You could still get yourself thrown in the slammer,
no matter if you're living out spiritual vows.
Avoid mentally wacking yourself with a hammer.
Show you're smarter than a herd of cows.

While you're sneakily living out spiritual vows,
beware creating the reason your plans implode.
Show you're smarter than a herd of cows;
not just a desperate soul speeding down the easy road.

Many create the reason their own plans implode,
ignoring inexperience, making themselves imbeciles.
These desperate souls longing for an easier road,
seem the reason this economy's breeding criminals.

© Rachel Hoyt 2011

This poem was my very first attempt to write a Pantoum poem.  I'm sharing it in two forums: One Stop Poetry and the Promising Poets' Thursday Rally.  I would love to hear what you think in the comments below.  Thanks!
  

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