Thursday Thoughts - On David Siegel and Urban Legends

Burp Attack

by Rachel Hoyt

 

image by Marcus74id via freedigitalphotos.net

 

 

One day, The Ruler of Resorts

Looked out at his empire,

Gazed upon a small, green cohort

Some kids viewed as a squire.

Mac the turtle,

Toppled king Yertle -

With one simple burp,

He fell like a twerp.

The Ruler of Resorts knew stuff,

Which mostly he'd learned online,

And so he Googled, "How to rule tough,"

And made plans to thicken his spine.

Mac the turtle,

Pictured king Yertle,

Plummeting in fear,

Then yelled, "Boo!" in his ear.

The Ruler donned his crown

And gathered the thoughts he'd procured,

Wrote his insanity down

And mailed it before he matured.

Mac the turtle,

Laughed at pseudo-Yertle,

"You know you can't succeed.

I'm the yang to your yin greed!"

Knowing Mac was just a small voice,

Unlikely to sue for plagiarism,

The Ruler of Resorts stole his words by choice

With naive hopes of stopping a schism.

Mac the turtle,

Channelled king Yertle,

To decide what to do -

One burp or two?

Yertle fell quickly, but the Ruler's demise

Came from two distinct lifequakes -

One writer now richer for writing good lies

And staff gone on strike, "For Thought's Sake".

 

© 2012 Rachel Hoyt. All rights reserved

Inspired by this letter by David Siegel to his employees

and written in hopes the ending will resemble Dr. Seuss's, "Yertle the Turtle".

Technorati Tags: David Siegel, Threat, Jobs, Rhyme, Poetry

Read more rhymes by Rachel at her new column, Clickety Clack -

poetic news about Santa Barbarians talking back

 

Thursday Thoughts - Foie Gras, California and Food Bans

Dear Foie Gras lovers of California,

You've probably heard, but I thought I'd warn ya,

that duck lovers (like me) have gotten their way.

Foie Gras isn't legal now, or so they say.

The law is ambiguous (such a surprise)

and restaurant enforcement mostly involves angry eyes,

but it was enough to shut down one ducky farm

where the owner claims that he does his ducks no harm.

His boast made me imagine a dream like place

where ducks got drunk and stuffed their face,

then lounged around or enjoyed a float

on a pond which never saw the likes of a boat.

I imagined corn cakes deep fried in lard

which the ducks tasted timidly, then fell for hard.

Once they had washed down that corn cake with a beer,

they knew the new tastes American ducks held dear.

Sadly, the gluttonous gorge fest I dreamt of for the ducks

wasn't the reality any farmer had created with his bucks.

You say that the science is lacking to prove the practice cruel?

Does that mean you approve of the method for which they made the rule?

I've never eaten Foie Gras and won't consider it unless you

can say the ducks in question were happy and prove it true.

Since my rational self knows the overindulged are never truly happy,

good luck proving to me that purposely fattened ducks found real glee!

May your livers stay lean and food choices gain style!

Sincerely,

Rachel Hoyt

of Rhyme Me a Smile

© 2012 Rachel Hoyt. All rights reserved.


Technorati Tags: Duck, Foie Gras, Food, Ban, Poetry


Does getting cards in the mail make you smile?
Why not get one from me once in a while?

Thursday Thoughts - Paper, Pens and Handwriting

Image by gt_pann via freedigitalphotos.net

My fellow humans of the modern world,

When was the last time your fingers were curled

around a pen through which your thoughts were hurled

onto a blank piece of paper or a greeting card?

Was the sensation odd? Were the finger movements hard?

Had it been more than a month? Six weeks?

Do your pads of paper look like antiques?

Were you worried that your pen's ink may have gone dry?

If you got a paper cut would it make you cry?

If you fear that your handwriting

is becoming less and less inviting,

braving such fears is the only way

to get your actual writing skills to stay.

You never know when you will need the ability

to scrawl a quick note without technology.

Perhaps there will be a vast power outage

or you'll be stranded somewhere on the edge.

No fancy cell phone cover can help your phone swim the sea

if you are trapped on an island, hungry and lonely,

but a neatly scrawled S.O.S. in the sand

might attract a kind helping hand.

So be careful passing too many days

without practicing the ancient ways

to communicate via paper and pen.

You'll need it some day.  Don't ask me when.

Do you want to be average or send messages with style?

What's your choice?

Rachel Hoyt

of Rhyme Me a Smile

© 2012 Rachel Hoyt. All rights reserved.


Read the news that inspired the rhyme here.


Technorati Tags: Writing, Paper, Pen, Handwriting, Poetry


Does getting cards in the mail make you smile?
Why not get one from me once in a while?

Thursday Thoughts - Selling Handmade Crafts Online

Dear Conscientious Consumers,

You may have heard the rumors

that some people are faking handmade.

It could be true that they paid

someone else to make a whole bunch,

but if they could hardly pay for lunch

with the income from that "handmade" necklace,

then their hourly rate is totally reckless!

Also, if you've seen someone wear

something that seems to closely compare,

it could be because that piece isn't so unique

and didn't break quickly "because it's antique".

The fact is that it's near impossible to survive

selling crafts as the economy takes a nose dive

and stores lower their prices to try to stay alive

and consumers seek prices that allow consuming to thrive.

No artisan who aspires to create crafts with vim

and patiently produces the quality she dreams of within,

should charge a cheap wage for an ounce of their time

or rush through creating and think things will be fine.

Their orders might take a little longer to ship out

because there's no one to help or boss about

and the selection of products might not be as vast

because capital becomes "income" as sale free times last.

We work hard and should be easy to spot.

Our stuff usually makes you say, "Dang that costs a lot."

But remember, we're making something with true style.

Thanks for buying handmade (even once in a while)!

Sincerely,

Rachel Hoyt

of Rhyme Me a Smile

© 2012 Rachel Hoyt.  All rights reserved.

Thursday Thoughts - Angry Birds and Sling Shots

Image by supakitmod via freedigitalphotos.net

Dear Rovio,

I'd like to thank you for your game, Angry Birds,

which must be designed by truly genius nerds.

It seems like half the world is addicted,

some for reasons you may or may not have predicted.

I'm sure you made the main bird red

to plant feelings of love in my head

and gave the birds each spontaneity

to make them seem as cool as Fonzie.

Yet do you realize the true significance

of the simple sling shot's resurgence?

Forgotten for years except by boys.

Found in stores by the children's toys.

Few had seen how one well placed thud

could turn a castle into crumbled crud.

Now we are all learning angles to sling

flying balls of fury at incessant chirping.

Rather than dreaming of some violent mess

befalling enemies, causing duress,

I now dream of catapulting tomatoes

from my underground cellar into tornadoes.

I'm not one of the fifteen percent

who falls faint when blood is spent,

but I prefer your game's crash and poof

where demise is much more aloof.

I hope that the potential for change that I see

comes to the world because of thee.

What if someday gangsters preferred

sling shots to pistols for protecting their herd?

What will come next after outer space?

Some climate change ravaged place?

I'm certain you'll think of something with style

which will dazzle, intrigue and beguile...

Thank you for making phone games worth my while!

Sincerely,

Rachel Hoyt

of Rhyme Me a Smile

A Letter to Saint Valentine

                           Image by Filomena Scalise via freedigitalphto.net.


Dearly departed Saint Valentine,

I've been thinking of writing to you for quite some time
because your holiday really makes me want to whine.
No matter if I'm single or happily coupled up
this holiday always feels pretty dang screwed up.
Did you really need or want your own special day?
If not, the dude who sprung it on you should have to pay.

Doesn't it bother you that few write a real love note?
I hate those cheesy kid cards with pictures and quote.
I hate that only kids give them to every damsel and bloke.
I hate that a card of said type was the last one that I wrote.

Do you like the store displays that pop up right after Christmas?
I hate that many Americans think it's just plain good business.
I hate that everywhere I look I see red and pink and grimace.
I hate that if it upsets me I need pink medicine for my sickness.

I hate that once I was asked to celebrate by doing our laundry.
I hate that making dinner reservations always turns into a quandary.
I hate that not wearing red, pink and hearts is looked at so wrongly.
I hate that bars that night are packed with preying male osprey.

I hate that everything costs more for that one silly night.
I hate that red roses and chocolate are now considered trite.
I hate that many women want a gift that sparkles under light.
I hate that many men feel they never quite get it quite right.

I hate that saying, "Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus."
Shouldn't the man's home planet be the one that rhymes with penis?
(Pardon my frank language. My mouth sure isn't the cleanest.)
I've digressed. Excuse me again. Please let me leave you with this.
If I'd gotten you one of those cards it would say, "You're the keenest!"
It would be filled with candy hearts labeled cutest and sweetest.

Just in case all this makes you a little queasy in the tummy,
I've enclosed some Pepto chew tabs and a bit of extra money.
Thanks for reading. I sure feel better from venting to you a while.

Sincerely,
Your friend,
Rhyme Me a Smile

© Rachel Hoyt 2011

Do you want your links to appear within a rhyme sometime?
Check out the latest Smiley Sociology Study on traveling in time.

This rhyme is being shared in Poetry Potluck, One Shot Wednesday
and the Poetry Pantry.  All are great places for poets to play.

I'm also sharing this link in the One Wee Voice - Love Beats Hate link exchange,
Love Letter Fest and Theme Thursday where there is a themed link exchange every week!

Technorati Tags:
Valentine's Day, Blogging, Saint Valentine, Humor, Writing