It's Make Fun of Me Day!

  A scan of the birthday card my parents gave me on Saturday...
          Inside it says, "Boogie down on your Birthday!

Have you noticed that the more birthdays you have in life,
the less they are about giving the celebrant some good times?
Friends tend to make fun of your age, causing mental strife,
and tell stories like they're listing your aging dumb person crimes.

The switch from fun day to make-fun-of-me-festival,
begins as you approach the dreaded age of forty.
Present giving amongst friends becomes more whimsical,
and humorous verbal self-flagellation turns sporty.

So, I have chosen today, my thirty-third birthday,
to announce to my friends on the world wide Internet,
that I happily contribute to annual make fun of me day,
because life's funner living wildly without regret.

Observation shows three popular making fun themes:
gracefulness, forgetfulness, and lack of self control.
Though for your stories to get truly gleeful screams,
you'll want something unique to share 'round the punch bowl.

No one who knows me well would disagree,
I have a tendency to slip, slide, trip and / or fumble.
There's plenty of stories one could share about me,
which involve funny injuries caused by a tumble.

There's no denying that with age, the memory fades.
(It takes me three times as long to learn names already.)
I'm saving self-control for the next few decades,
and letting the fun-o-meter sit strong and steady.

None of my life, thus far, has turned into movie scenes,
but neither have I been living inside a black hole.
Each silly story rhyme I write spills a bit of my beans...
my crazy ideas in print take you on a mind stroll.

Though I've never played the mood ring game for real,
I have made push pen people travel the world like a gnome.
I'm also too timid to trespass or steal,
but am truly weary of places where fancy pen users roam.

Though it shall remain secret how I celebrate tonight,
and precisely what type of party theme I will employ...
I can say I'm certain I'll be smiling with delight,
doing something myself and my friends all enjoy.

But be it camping in forbidden areas or sailing to nowhere,
gambling in the old west or flying to the moon.
Everyone should have a few stories that stand up your hair,
and at least one that makes you jealously swoon.

I don't think I'll party quite that rich this year,
nor is it required to have a blast.
I'm more the type who drinks whiskey and beer,
while playing childish games of the past.

I like skating, shooting, singing and shopping...
putt putt golf and poker playing too.
blasting, boating, bowling and bee-bopping...
or anything to which I am new.

The comments section is now open for suggestions,
and the paypal button is ready to accept your gifts.
I will even answer ten make fun of me questions...
just write them below and I'll answer in shifts.

© Rachel Hoyt 2010 - 2011

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Thankfulicious

                   (Image courtesy of Felixco, Inc. )

T is for turtles, like my little girl Pokey.
She likes to watch me when I practice for karaoke.
If I can make her smile, I know my song will be a hit.
Once I think I she even bopped her head a little bit.

H is for hoodlums who help, like Cayman's Frankenmosquitos.
'cuz I think we'd all agree that getting bitten by bugs blows.
So, why not create special bullys to beat up the little guys?
Making stronger mosquitoes shouldn't make new problems arise.

A is for abstract judgments, i.e. regarding the coolest man.
I think the guy who posted that must be a Quidditch fan.
The best I can tell, it depends on how manly their pastimes are,
their rarity, and a fear factor at least equal to driving a race car.

N is for nerds and awesome inventions like the Oreo dipper.
Someone knew the perfect cookie dunk makes people more chipper.
It could probably prevent possible crying fits by little children.
For some kids it's traumatic when their cookie breaks and falls in.

K is for kind robbers who return loot to those more needy,
because stealing from the homeless is the epitome of seedy.
Those who do it deserve a very special punishment...
a day of panhandling where they must donate every cent?

F is for flying cars which will be for sale within the year...
Although the thought of amateurs flying them fills me with fear.
But, I'm glad we're sticking to the time line predicted in a movie.
Though I think the Back to the Future 2 vehicles were more groovy.

U is for unusual deaths which can turn your life into a legend.
In cool ancestor contests you'll be a force with which to be reckoned.
Hopefully those left behind you will have fun telling the story.
"In your sleep" is so last year... go for memorable yet un-gory.

L is for landmines being cleared quicker with the help of the rat nose.
Their desire to live among us peacefully if trained with treats shows.
Who knows, maybe next we'll teach raccoons to pick up stray trash.
That's a feat that, in the long run, could save cities a bundle of cash.

I is for invisibility, especially in regards to my privates on TSA scanners.
When did the federal government decide they didn't need to have manners?
For those who want something larger than a fig leaf to prevent peeking...
I hope soon, for the right price, an invisibility cloak will allow sneaking.

C is for collectors who allow the public to view their stuff...
or even to touch it if you promise not to play too rough.
The Pacific Pinball Expo is my most recent fun find of this type.
I hope when I make it there, it can live up to all the hype.

I is for independence, though some people take it too far...
for many, it's the first step to loving yourself just the way you are.
It's your choice to flaunt it or just be happy you found contentment.
Just know that marrying yourself could cause joy, laughter or resentment.

O is for overspending, like that to be done on Black Friday.
Camping outside Best Buy for a week isn't how I want to spend my day.
And for this couple, it's purely a desire to be first in line...
I hope they decide what they want to buy before its time.

U is for using pets in tricks that will make people smile.
This kitten's routine is the cutest I've seen in quite a while.
If ever I'm lonely, I know a cute animal can change that fast.
If only my pets' memory of tricks I show them would last!

S is for silly acrostics (like this) with much rhyme but little reason...
Just a weird conglomeration of stuff to smile about this holiday season.
If psycho shoppers, crazy drivers, or your own family were getting you down...
I hope these non-chemical mood altering experiences have erased your frown.

© 2010 - 2011 Rachel Hoyt

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Poor Randy Boy

One morning my radio spoke of squatters in Montecito,
and at first I thought the idea sounded quite neato.
Many estates in the area aren't lived in year round...
wonder how long I could live there before being found?

Then came the twist...  it's Randy and Evi Quaid!?!
In the guest house where their friends one stayed?
If they truly still own it, why not stay in the main house?
Also, no estate owner I know is as dirty as a louse.

Since then, the story has spread for all the world to see,
as he seeks asylum like a critter hiding in a tree.
But since I think publicity is what he really wants to get...
here's an O Danny Boy rewrite I hope you'll never forget.

------------------------------------------------------------

Poor Randy boy, the courts, the courts are calling,
Santa Barbara's not taking his side.
So now he's gone... to Canada ran crying.
Hollywood star whackers made him run and hide.

But he'll be back when more admit what they know,
or when producers offer him a show.
Then finally, to Santa Barbara court he'll go.
Poor Randy boy, poor Randy boy, they stalk you so.

© Rachel Hoyt 2010 - 2011

 

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