Thirty-Something Fears

In just over a month I celebrate my thirty-third birthday,
and for the first time since 30, I expect to enjoy that fine day.
It's not that I didn't try to have fun the last two years...
it's just that I've been plagued by thirty-something fears.
I'd been warned and told "no one's immune, you'll see."
But like many happy 29 year old's I thought, "nah, not me."

12:01 AM on the thirtieth anniversary of my birth,
I awoke with a fear which proved that warning's worth.
The weather outside was dark, wet and windy.
Branches hitting the house poked the worry strings in me.
I couldn't sleep knowing a huge sycamore tree loomed above.
So, I called an expert to predict survival in a loft shack vs. tree shove.

I tried pep-talking myself to stop acting like an old lady.
I wrote on my mirror, "Fear only that which is shady."
I started seeing a shrink and popping pills to calm down.
Those little round things worked wonders at ending a frown.
But overall, I didn't feel all that much better,
and I still found my fear causing thoughts to be clever.

When my eyes were dry, I worried that they would pop out.
If one dared question why, it's likely I'd shout.
I began inspecting my entire house daily before bed,
because of an anaconda in the toilet article I read.
I postponed my desire to take a Mexican cruise,
when my fear of attack by pirates became less of a ruse.

I no longer like camping due to renewed belief in bigfoot.
The chinese are looking for him and I await their input.
One of my friends has a pet cockatoo she keeps in a cage.
I'm worried he'll break out and attack me in a rage.
On a day to day basis I wonder if my food is killing me,
but now, more than that, I fear my whiskey's made of pee.

So... what is the difference between this year and the last?
How did I make thirty-something fears a thing of the past?
When the fears and uncertainties come creeping into my mind...
I google the probability of occurrence to see what I can find.
Even with low odds, I like additional reassurance,
that's why I love my new sales agent for insurance.

She's always happy to help no matter my call frequency.
She'd never make fun of the weird fears she hears from me.
She has enlightened me on what my renter's insurance covers.
I now sleep better though the sycamore tree still hovers.
It even covers belongings stolen by pirates while traveling!
Thanks to insurance, my thirty-something fears are unraveling.

If you're trapped by fears, I recommend giving Stef a call.
She's my Farmer's Insurance agent who seems to do it all.
It's not often I'll include a shameless plug within my rhyme,
so you can be sure I mean what I say at this time.
If she hadn't helped contain my thirty-something fears,
the stress on my heart could have shortened my years.

© Rachel Hoyt 2010 - 2011

Entertainment, Blogs, Comedy, Funny, Opinion, Writing, Thirty, Fear, Insurance

Blog-a-licious

Check it out! I've won my first blogging award!
This gal Pandora likes to visit me when she's bored.
She's been a fan ever since she visited my rhyme nook.
Now she's invited her followers to come take a look.
For inspirational stories that will also make you smile,
I recommend visiting Pandora's blog for a while.
If you have a blog, you should drop her a line.
She'll come check you out when she gets the time.
If you're lucky and she likes what you have to say,
perhaps she'll also crown you blogalicious some day.

© Rachel Hoyt 2010

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Greenzilla's Top 5 Green Deeds

Last night I formed a new life goal in my sleep.

Greenzo and I were performing environmental upkeep.
I was watching the show 30 Rock before bed...
I guess his message got stuck in my head.
All I know is that I now feel possessed.
I must save this world with which we were blessed.
In my dream I was a hero known publicly as Greenzilla -
who's top five green deeds save more than a scintilla.

5. I bum rides from friends as often as possible,
using auto trouble stories whenever it's plausible.
The broken down car thing works on my coworkers too.
They'll wake up early for a downtrodden member of the crew.

4. No matter where I am, if there's a thermostat,
I have to check the level to see what it's set at.
If I can get my hands on one that's set irresponsibly,
I reset it to stop it from shamelessly taunting me.

3. When I find a good deal on fluorescent light bulbs,
I buy a bunch to take to friends houses and night clubs.
I change out four to five light bulbs every time I go out,
in hopes no one notices the swap until they burn out.

2. A few times a year, if I can locate a good place,
I plant a baby tree in it's "native" open space.
The long night of digging is my best workout plan yet!
Risking a brush with the law... that I'll never regret.

1. Did you know that cows release methane when they fart?
Stopping this grotesque pollution would be more than a start.
Scientists say garlic is the key to lowering the level 50 to 90%.
I say dropping garlic in cow water troughs is money well spent!

So far Greenzilla has existed only in my dreams,
but the need for a change is more imminent than it seems.
And so, I now pledge to make Greenzilla's life a reality,
in hopes to have an effect on the American mentality.
If you too have ideas on how to make a difference,
please post them here to show your non-ignorance.
To additionally help me spread the word amongst the gluttons,
click the share via facebook, twitter or stumble upon buttons.


© Rachel Hoyt 2010 - 2011

     This poem is being shared in Poetry Potluck on Jingle Poetry.
Head there if you're a poet or just wish to read and see.  :)



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