Wacky Savings

In this day and age, it takes more than dumb luck,
to find ways to save yourself buck after buck.
So I've compiled a fun list of the less known ways,
the unique folks are using to save money these days.
True, each one has at least one drawback,
but often to save, we must choose also to lack.

Almost Frugal suggests we utilize public restrooms more,
i.e. before leaving work or heading home from the store.
The lessened water & T.P. usage could make a small dent,
in the cash required to pay household expenses and rent.
Sure, you may have to brave public exposure and germ fears,
but could it get you that trip you've dreamed of for years?

"Hide your credit cards." is tip #25 on Simple Dollar's website...
now there's an idea I can twist around with delight!!!
I imagine this turning into an adult hide & seek adventure,
for two victims of burdensome credit card indenture.
Each helps the other resist the urge to swipe plastic,
by hiding the other's card somewhere sneakily drastic.

Frugal Living collected a list from the "Festival of Frugality",
but it's hard to imagine any becoming common in reality.
Try buying two ply TP and separating each sheet?
It's likely the extra labor would be the savings' defeat.
If not that, there's the even bigger risk you must take,
many avoid single ply so their hind side won't chafe.

But, hands down, Telegraph.co.uk's list is the most bizarre...
even amongst Brits I doubt these suggestions would go far.
Only a select few would be willing to harvest road kill,
just to save a buck while getting their protein fill.
And deliberately raising your blood pressure to warm up,
seems as insane as cutting grocery costs by killing your pup.

I'm sure most of us would choose a method more tame,
like cutting coupons, even if it is considered lame.
I merely want to show here that traditional methods aren't required,
you simply need an expense to give up which your savings inspired.
So I challenge you now to sit down and think it through...
To save for your dreams, just what will you do?

© Rachel Hoyt 2010 - 2011

Grandma's Nemesis: The Shoe Tree

Last week a beloved shoe tree burned to the ground.
A wacky monument is lost and can never be found.
The funny thing is... I heard of it long ago,
but didn't think it existed - guess now I know.

It was the focus of one of grandma's favorite rants,
and involved a picnic, former friends and some ants.
Her story was that the Idaho shoe tree had begun,
'cuz her friends wanted to teach her how to have a little fun.

They were all enjoying a picnic underneath said tree,
and conversing about what it really meant to be free...
All had helped their families survive the Great Depression,
and felt they had learned a quite valuable lesson...

Though hard work was required to pay the bills,
they felt it should be rewarded with certain frills.
Grandma didn't completely agree with what they planned to do,
but knew if she objected, the friendship would be through.

In an attempt to make sure their parents couldn't refuse,
they decided whatever they wanted replaced, they should loose.
They agreed that new shoes would provide immediate comfort,
much more than could come from new pants, shirt or skirt...

The dissention began as they chose where to ditch the evidence,
'cuz grandma felt throwing shoes in a tree didn't make any sense.
Furthermore she thought the end result would be an eye sore,
and didn't want to see it every time she walked past to the store.

Somehow her friends convinced her to "have fun" just this one time,
and that this placement for their statement was actually quite prime.
The group of friends counted to three & yelled... "New shoes!!!"
then threw thiers high up in the tree, despite possible social taboos.

Unfortunately, they hadn't realized they were so close to an ant hill,
and that while they were "playing" the colony had not stood still.
Some ants were stealing their bread, cheese and meat,
and others were viciously biting their shoeless feet.

In the end, grandma had had no fun whatsoever,
and felt the shoe tree idea wasn't all that clever.
All she ever received was a "new" hand-me-down pair,
which were even more uncomfortable than the last one to wear.

She complained about that shoe tree for as long as she lived...
the silly monument / eye sore wasn't easy to forgive.
She cringed every time she walked or drove past the lake,
still angry about the "fun" risk her friends made her take.

The only joy she ever found was from hard work and money.
Having savings stored up in the bank was the only way she felt free.
If she were still alive, I bet she'd throw a party to celebrate,
sorry grandma, someone did burn it down... just a little too late.

© Rachel Hoyt 2010 - 2011

(This poem is being shared on Poets United's Poetry Pantry.
Visit them now if you wish to read more fantastic poetry.)

2010 World Cup Cultural Dunce Awards

I’d like to take a moment to congratulate Spain,
for being the 2010 champions of the fútbol game.
I’ve only recently begun to learn the rules and such,
and can’t say that I watch the game all that much…
but I admire their athleticism and pride for the nation,
and wish them a very memorable, elite celebration.

Perhaps now that Spain has won the cup at least once,
we can all work on not looking like a cultural dunce.
The referees have already begun to study up on foul lingo,
though it can’t be easy to learn the cuss words all 36 teams know.
Maybe they’ll never know them all, but at least they are trying…
and they do it all while legs, feet and fútbols are flying.

FIFA had plenty of time to plan each press conference,
but still were caught for a bit of translation negligence…
Apparently they confused Slovak with Slovene,
which the Slovenian team found to be a bit mean.
And the reporters had to deal with sporadic translation,
causing innocent slip-ups and some humiliation.

Even funnier are the lingual mistakes on promotional merchandise,
which can wreck the value of a souvenirs that would’ve been nice.
This year, Korea goofed up their official fan jersey,
“Korea Legend – Begin to 2010” makes no sense to me.
Then again, it could be fun to wear while out on a stroll,
and it might provide a good laugh in a funny t-shirt poll.

I certainly hope that for tournament number twenty,
FIFA will provide free translation services aplenty.
After all, it’s the world’s most widely watched game,
let's promote world peace through FIFA’s good name.
Of course, they could always promote the comedic feel,
Perhaps FIFA wants to produce a blooper reel…

Or maybe we should try having a universal language of Football,
learning to speak Socceranto could be the whole world's goal.
But we'd need to invent a bunch more words to use,
when the coaches & players do their interviews.
But who knows if FIFA is even looking to change,
they may think all options seem a bit strange.

© Rachel Hoyt 2010 - 2011

(Thank you globilization-group.com for inspiring this poem.)

E.T.'s 4th of July Celebration

July 5, 2010, ET phoned earth,
to determine what his prank was worth.
He was a bit bored this independence day,
and decided Santa Barbara was the place he should play.
So he hopped aboard his space craft,
headed toward the beach as he laughed…

You see, ET had specific plans for his vacation from space…
He’d devised a plan to rearrange furniture at his friend’s place.
To the 4th of July BBQ he planned to arrive late…
If the front door was locked, he’d use the back gate.
While his friends watched the fireworks display,
he'd wander around their house and play.

His idea came to fruition exactly as planned,
including Captain America taking his last stand.
The door was open, the roommates were gone…
it was possible they wouldn’t notice the prank until dawn.
But really ET did not know what time his friends would show,
since there were so many other fun places they could go.

Since technically they could be coming straight back home,
he moved couches & beer bottles… then to the bedrooms he did roam.
Finding Captain America on a bookshelf was the icing on the cake,
It was exactly the type of momento he wanted to take.
So after moving the beer cooler out near the TV,
and setting up hidden cameras to watch the “punk’d” show for free…

“Stealing” two twelve packs of beer,

he drove the spaceship back out to the clear,

and waited ‘til morning to hear…

if they’d noticed his redecorating spree.

Sure enough, it was more than 24 hours,

‘til his friend “smelled the flowers”

noticed the random beer towers,

and laughed with pure, unadulterated glee.

When E.T. called to hear their reaction,

he felt extremely full with satisfaction,

and looked forward to retaliation action,
his friends said there would be.

After all, the'd have to travel quite far,
to somewhere inacceccible by car,

or wait 'til the next time he came to the bar,

in order to prank him back for free.

© Rachel Hoyt 2010 - 2011