Happy Talk Like a Pirate Day! Got Patch?

The Nictitate Patch, A Bit of Pirate Jestory

by Rachel Hoyt

image by James Barker via freedigitalphotos.net

As dawn crept near one summer day,

In a beach town, surfers around, one scallywag did lay.

He had winked at near ev'ry lass who braved walking his way.

He loved to "Arrr!" and "Yarrr!" in bars, but was misunderstood.

"Those who 'Arrr', 'Yarrr', and nictitate we holy folks find rude."

Said the preacher, "Abandon his ship of fakey flattertude!"

Then Patch the pirate hatched a plan,

To cover his woe, so none would know, still he winked like a man.

Try as he might to hide from the light, his eyelid is a fan.

One day the patch will flip up fast and he'll be made to tell,

But if his nictitate patch could latch, it would likely sell -

No one wants winks to damn them to hell.

© 2012 Rachel Hoyt. All rights reserved

 

 

This poem was inspired by a comment Bryan White left on my Wacky Word poem, "Nictitate".  Happy Talk Like a Pirate Day!  Hope yarrrs is great!

Technorati Tags: Pirate, Talk, Poem, Rhyme, Nictitate, Poem

Yo Ho, Yo Ho, a Pirate Ramble for Ye

I remember hearing once on the radio,

some silly local morning show,

that Santa Barbara faced a peculiar threat.

Those words they read, I'll never forget.

They said that pirates could attack us some day.

I laughed pretty good and (in my mind) said, "No way!"

Years later the threat seems a little more real.

Perhaps Captain Jack Sparrow renewed our zeal?

Or maybe it was those guys who started that holiday

that Dave Barry wrote about - Talk Like a Pirate Day?

Of course, we could blame the Somalians themselves.

That's easier than thinking we caused it ourselves.

None of this explains why Santa Barbara is in danger

of being attacked by some scary pirate stranger.

I never found the source of the radio man's statistic,

but Google showed me a scenario that was realistic.

In fact it's not just realistic, it actually happened in the past.

The Santa Barbara Mission may have endured canon blast.

I wonder if they left behind any buried treasure?

The quest to find it would bring me much pleasure.

I hear the Ortega family uncovered some booty.

Their chest came from the Catholics.  How snooty.

Still, I think I should get a metal detector to check for cursed gold.

It could be under my place for all I know.  It's definitely old!

© Rachel Hoyt.  All rights reserved.

Technorati Tags:  Entertainment, Pirate, Treasure, Humor, History, Poetry

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