Wednesday, February 9, 2011

A Letter to Saint Valentine

                           Image by Filomena Scalise via

Dearly departed Saint Valentine,

I've been thinking of writing to you for quite some time
because your holiday really makes me want to whine.
No matter if I'm single or happily coupled up
this holiday always feels pretty dang screwed up.
Did you really need or want your own special day?
If not, the dude who sprung it on you should have to pay.

Doesn't it bother you that few write a real love note?
I hate those cheesy kid cards with pictures and quote.
I hate that only kids give them to every damsel and bloke.
I hate that a card of said type was the last one that I wrote.

Do you like the store displays that pop up right after Christmas?
I hate that many Americans think it's just plain good business.
I hate that everywhere I look I see red and pink and grimace.
I hate that if it upsets me I need pink medicine for my sickness.

I hate that once I was asked to celebrate by doing our laundry.
I hate that making dinner reservations always turns into a quandary.
I hate that not wearing red, pink and hearts is looked at so wrongly.
I hate that bars that night are packed with preying male osprey.

I hate that everything costs more for that one silly night.
I hate that red roses and chocolate are now considered trite.
I hate that many women want a gift that sparkles under light.
I hate that many men feel they never quite get it quite right.

I hate that saying, "Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus."
Shouldn't the man's home planet be the one that rhymes with penis?
(Pardon my frank language. My mouth sure isn't the cleanest.)
I've digressed. Excuse me again. Please let me leave you with this.
If I'd gotten you one of those cards it would say, "You're the keenest!"
It would be filled with candy hearts labeled cutest and sweetest.

Just in case all this makes you a little queasy in the tummy,
I've enclosed some Pepto chew tabs and a bit of extra money.
Thanks for reading. I sure feel better from venting to you a while.

Your friend,
Rhyme Me a Smile

© Rachel Hoyt 2011

Do you want your links to appear within a rhyme sometime?
Check out the latest Smiley Sociology Study on traveling in time.

This rhyme is being shared in Poetry PotluckOne Shot Wednesday
and the Poetry Pantry.  All are great places for poets to play.

I'm also sharing this link in the One Wee Voice - Love Beats Hate link exchange,
Love Letter Fest and Theme Thursday where there is a themed link exchange every week!

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  1. This. Is. AWESOME! :)

    I heart it.

    I heart it so much I might send you a Valentine.

  2. Love the highlighted areas you speak to that have created angst for us males on this capitalistic commercialized creation.

    I guess any assistance, though, in our clumsy, and socially inept attempts of romanticizing in a society that is confused in how we view Love and sex, demonizing either, is welcome.

    Your humorous prose is wonderfully appreciated.

  3. Very nice. I'm not sure what to think of your "candy hearts" link, though. I can't decide if I am disturbed by it or think it's hilarious.

  4. ha. love it...and grinning at the pepto and money...oh if only...smiles.

  5. I agree with everything you've said here.
    I've never heard the case again Valentines put quite so clear.

  6. @ Tricia - I thought you'd be happy to see there really is a bit of your cynicism in me. :o)

    @ Nene - I'm glad you enjoyed the humorous prose. You might enjoy the link I added to a non-perishing rose. (Click on "now considered trite" above if you are.)

    @ Doug - I'm pretty disturbed by the candy hearts link but think everyone should know that the further consequences of V-Day are starting to show. :o)

    @ Brian - Do you need some pepto and money too? I might have some extra I could send to you. :o)

    @ Bryan - I knew my target audience was out there somewhere. I wanted the V-Day haters to know there's someone out there that cares. :o)

  7. Wow! Your recommended reading 'now considered trite' does elevate embellishment of commercialization of a designated single day in the year for romanticizing your love'd ones in lieu of spontaneity and sincerity throughout the perpetuity of a relationship. Thanks for the reference but I think maybe paying you to write me a jingle or myself writing one would serve the notion of romanticism, better. Ciao!

  8. Love it! My bf asked what I wanted to do for v-day. I said I dunno. If he asks again, I just may say nothing. (Hmm, think that kinda rhymed!) V-day just isn't my holiday.

  9. I hate that saying, "Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus."
    Shouldn't the man's home planet be the one that rhymes with penis?

    I think you deserve a medal for thess lines! LOL

  10. "I hate that many men feel they never quite get it quite right.
    I hate that saying, "Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus."
    Shouldn't the man's home planet be the one that rhymes with penis?"

    Holy shit I liked it! Different from most of my styles but its wonderful! Its really weird, I almost feel like this could be commenting on a rhyme I wrote recently... Either way thank you for the comment on my page! I will keep reading yours!

  11. -claps- Great one shot! You really captured an angle of V-day that a lot of people ignore. I love you style. =3

  12. @Patricia - It's a tough decision for me every year. I usually end up doing something for V-Day, but I don't think it should be more special than an aniversary... ya know? :o)

    @Jinksy - I gave myself a pat on the back after writing those lines to reward myself. I think they're my favorite so far, might need them engraved in something for my shelf. :o)

    @Myown5avior - I know I've read (and enjoyed) some of your stuff recently, but this one was inspired by a gift to my BF from me... the book shown at the bottom of the poem, "I Hate Everything." I HIGHLY recommend it.

    @Nick - Clapping?! Was it a standing-O?! *blushing* :o)

  13. This is perfect, a true testimony to the fact that it's not anyone's relationship or lack of that's the problem but the holiday itself that's silly. Bravo!

  14. I got a big kick out of your frank letter.
    It had to be said, the sooner the better!

  15. @ Cathleen & azfree - I'm glad you agree! I'd hate for the only V-Day hater to be me. :)

  16. humans love to make up reasons to eat chocolate

  17. I love it! Link up! Link up!

  18. @ Nance - I'd WAY rather celebrate international chocolate day! EVERYONE would be happy that day. :)

    @ KD - So glad you liked it! I've linked it up. :)

  19. haha you are so right.
    You can say I'm from Venus anytime!

    Cheers A

  20. This is wonderful! You are a very talented poet... but I'll bet you already know it :)

  21. Very interesting and some times I tend to agree with you... like in the words..
    'I hate that saying, "Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus."
    Shouldn't the man's home planet be the one that rhymes with penis?'
    Thanks for sharing..

    ॐ नमः शिवाय
    Om Namah Shivaya

  22. LOL can we make up a new day and create shed loads of commercialism, you do the cards I'll do the marketing :D

  23. @ Alejandro - Hehehe. Thanks! I shall enjoy calling you Venus Man. :)

    @ Budh.aaah - So glad you liked it!

    @ XLMIC - LOL. Cute rhyme. An oldie but a goodie... :)

    @ Shashi - I'm glad you can relate at least a little. :)

    @ SJ - Well, when you put it THAT way... more holidays! More commercialism!!! :)

  24. hahahaha..this was awesome, Rachel!!
    Every year, there's something that happens on this day that makes me think of it as a paradox!! :)

    I love your rhyme skills, girl.... you simply rock!!
    "I hate that if it upsets me I need pink medicine for my sickness." - LOL...what an irony!!! :)

    Enjoooooyyyeedd this cherubic One Shot a lot!! ;-)

  25. Fun, a couple of unexpected rhymes.

  26. Ha-ha!!!! I laughed out loud! Wow, men and women really are from different planets ;-) Thanks for linking to my Love Letter Fest :-)

  27. @ Kavita - Your bubbly comment gives me such a big smile. Glad I could entertain you a while. I too was filled with glee when I had the pink medicine epiphany. :)

    @ Steve - Glad you like my rhymes! Its fun to make them up sometimes. :)

    @ pamanner - I hope all the single girls of the world find something to laugh at this year. I wrote these humorous but truthful words for them to hear. :)

  28. LOL! This is so the BEST Valentine's letter I've ever read!

    Anything that rhymes Venus with penis and laundry with osprey gets my <3. :))

    I hope you don't mind me posting this entry link to my FB wall.

  29. @AJ - people who post me to Facebook are stupendous! The effort to required to spread the word sometimes feels horrendous. Thanks for the help!! :-)

  30. Ha. I endorse wholeheartedly every single phrase in this letter. Poor Valentine. If only he had known . . .

    Joy always,

  31. Friggin' hilarious.
    I with on the commercial
    aspect of the holiday or
    any of them for that matter.


  32. @ Susan - I am honored to have your endorsement. :)

    @ Pamela - I'm glad you had some friggin fun here. Hehe. :)

  33. playful love sentiments,
    you hate it but you are loving it by offering pep to chew.

    Happy Potluck!


  34. I love this poem...thank you for sharing.

  35. @Morning - Awww, well I love spreading the love any day of the year. Thanks for coming by to visit me here. :)

    @meremortal - So glad you enjoyed the rhyme. I hope you'll come visit another time. :)

  36. shit that's effing hilarious!!!! love it! I follow!!!!

  37. @Gigi - Thanks for stopping by to say hi!

    @Foxy - Glad you LOVED it and will return to read more of it! :)

  38. Valentine's Day has more pressure than NY Eve ... - thank you for pointing me to your creation! :-) Great pen!!

  39. Great write! I would send you a card to show you how much I enjoyed it but there weren't any good Garfield ones left!

  40. @beccagivens - Thank YOU for your sweet words! I sometimes think I'm mostly talking to the local birds. LOL. (I wanted something that rhymed...)

    @abthomas - Garfield is a favorite of mine. No need for a card, your comments here are just fine. :o)

  41. That was GREAT! Smile getting bigger as I read down the page. The sway away from the poem, I could see how that would happen...terrific poem Rachel!

  42. Hello, Thanks for the love to Poetry Potluck! You Rock!

    Awards 4 Poetry Potluck Week 22, Enjoy!

    Your contribution means a world to us, Happy Thursday!
    See you next time!

  43. totally agreed. hate the holiday.. interested to give "it" and identity and write to "it" :)

  44. @Mary - Glad I could increase the size of your smile for a while. :)

    @Jingle - Thanks for the awards (as always)!

    @rrel - I highly recommend writing to "it" next year. I found the process nicely therapeutic. It almost made me like Valentines day again! LOL.

  45. This is hilarious! I love it you really do make me smile =) I like any holiday with an excuse to eat candy personally lol

  46. @mindlovesmisery - I'm glad you like it! I was just having a little fun as a writer. :)

  47. I also dont like this day so much....But t was fun to read... :)

  48. I whole heartedly agree with that question, why aren't men from venus!

  49. @Chim - Thanks! I'm glad you liked it! :)

    @abthomas - Seriously... men ARE from Venus. :) Glad you agree!

  50. its a beautiful letter, and whimsical truth

  51. Whimsical and truthful look at an overdone holiday! Lovely write Rachel!


    1. Thank you, Audrey! I'm glad you enjoyed my whimsy. :)

  52. amen...this is a great letter and i think you covered all the feelings that this day can generate esp with what has been made of a genuine act of love....

    1. Thank you Brian. That is quite a compliment. :)

  53. Lol! Loved your letter. still laughing over this line: I hate that saying, "Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus."
    Shouldn't the man's home planet be the one that rhymes with penis?

    1. That is my favorite line. :) I'm glad you enjoy it so much too. :)


Rhyming or not, I would like a lot to hear the thoughts my words brought...