Bottles of Bubbly

Image by Matt Banks via freedigitalphotos.net



As bottles and bottles of bubbly are being bought

to toast the new year and stock up local yachts,

I found myself curious about this sweet nectar

and decided to ask Google to be today's lector.

I already knew of the rule from the Treaty of Madrid,

but I learned a few things not known by most kids.

I (now) won't drink champagne from a short or wide glass.

It lets bubbles out faster and without them I'll pass.

I also now believe I could create a bottle-a-day-diet.

Only 9 grams of sugar! (Someone would try it.)

Did you know champagne can be used to entertain visually?

If you drop a raisin in, it will bounce... or so they tell me.

Madame Veuve Clicquot invented the riddling rack,

which pushed Champagne production into the fast track.

Many say Dom Perignon invented the French bubbly drink,

but that statement is not quite as true as they all think.

He was actually trying to prevent the bubbles from forming,

but fate wouldn't let them cease scrumptiously swarming.

Most of us couldn't fathom spending thirty-five grand

to buy the most expensive bottle found in the land.

We also couldn't afford to fill up the bathtub

with three-hundred-fifty bottles from the pub.

But each of us consumes millions of bubbles with one cheers,

that is, if you are drinking Champagne this New Years.

© 2011 - All Rights Reserved - Rachel Hoyt

Brought To By Wine.com, Purveyors of Fine Wine and Champagne

Technorati Tags: Champagne, Sparkling Wine, Rhyme, Humor, Facts, Poetry

Comically Crunching

Caution: this video has a scary happy ending

that shows someone learning the hard way

that taunting appendages may need mending

after an owner causes his or her pet dismay.

© 2011 - All Rights Reserved - Rachel Hoyt

Josh from "Its Tiger Time" invented You Tube Tuesday so we could each share one video a week which we found to be fun, inspiring or otherwise noteworthy.  If you choose to participate, don't forget to leave your links in my comments section (so I can come visit you) and on Josh's page (so you can be part of the contest).  I hope you like this week's selection! 

Who-ville People Today

 Image by graur razvan ionut via freedigitalphotos.net 

Sometimes the best gift you can give or get yourself

has very, very little to do with spreading wealth.

The most joy at the holidays comes from time with family

and acts of random kindness that we may somehow see.

Why not cause a random act of kindness on your own?

There are things you could do while being lazy at home.

Play trivia at Free Rice to help feed mouths worldwide.

Or use SearchKindly.com for your next world-wide-web-ride.

If you have an unwanted fur coat in your room,

donate it to help comfort an orphaned raccoon.

Or if you have the skills to knit or crochet a sweater,

there are penguins and hens that need them to get better.

There are tons of easy ways to spread some holiday cheer

to those outside your circle of friends held near and dear.

I think that is how the Who-ville people would show today

that the holidays are about more than presents and a big light display.

© 2011 - All Rights Reserved - Rachel Hoyt

This rhyme was inspired by Mental Floss:

12 Ways to Support Charities Without Donating Money.

Catch Santa If You Can

image by digitalart via freedigitalphotos.net

You could catch mommy kissing Santa Claus,

Stopping to shake one of your dog's paws,

Sneaking a drink a bit stronger than milk,

Or cleaning up the drink he spilt.

"How can we do that if he's fake?" you say.

Visit iCaughtSanta.com today.

They can help you catch Santa at your house...

and it's easier than catching a sneaky mouse.

2011 - All Rights Reserved - Rachel Hoyt

You Tube Tuesday - Hedgehog Humbug

To make a cup of bah-humbug, here’s what you need:
an adorable idea and a gigantic pile of greed.
Take that cuteness and dangle it in front of the masses
then only give it out in teeny tiny splashes.

© 2011 - All Rights Reserved - Rachel Hoyt


I felt a little upset after trying to make hedgehogs sing
and feeling disappointed at the results it did bring.




Josh from "Its Tiger Time" invented You Tube Tuesday so we could each share one video a week which we found to be fun, inspiring or otherwise noteworthy.  If you choose to participate, don't forget to leave your links in my comments section (so I can come visit you) and on Josh's page (so you can be part of the contest).

Zoo Children Act Out

Image by digitalart via freedigitalphotos.net

Many say the Occupy movement is silly;

isn't saying anything; is organized willy nilly.

I tend to feel that every protest says a lot,

whether I'm into the cause of the day or not.

In my eyes the world is reacting as children do,

when parents behave how we're not supposed to.

They say Democratic parenting produces great kids.

Perhaps Congress should try it so we don't flip our lids.

Like a family caught in an endless seedy roundabout,

we kids fear we're forgotten, so we sit around and shout.

Our "parents" can't agree on what the rules should be.

They're the ones acting stupid and willy nilly.

The Elephants are jubilantly stomping their feet

on every mousy law that their smarty snouts meet.

The Donkeys are in danger of becoming real asses -

permissiveness wants (but always fails) to please the masses.

Perhaps Congress should have a group counseling session?

Maybe Dr's Phil or Laura could teach them a lesson?

We "kids" of the world pay these "parents" to guide us.

They should be acting in ways to properly inspire us.

© 2011 - All Rights Reserved - Rachel Hoyt

Technorati Tags: Government, Parenting, Law, Humor, Rhyme, Poetry

Angry Birds Movie Limerick

 

This movie looks like one big commercial,

Yet I doubt it will be controversial.

With just enough action,

We'll find satisfaction

And feel, in its own way, it's special.

2011 - All Rights Reserved - Rachel Hoyt

Technorati Tags: Angry Birds, Movie, Commercial, Humor, Limerick, Poetry



Josh from "Its Tiger Time" invented You Tube Tuesday so we could each share one video a week which we found to be fun, inspiring or otherwise noteworthy.  If you choose to participate, don't forget to leave your links in my comments section (so I can come visit you) and on Josh's page (so you can be part of the contest).

The Grinch and Godzilla

Image by Simon Howden via freedigitalphotos.com

The Grinch has a friend named Godzilla.
He treats him like a pet Gorilla.
They make people frown
In malls around town
Then relax at the Grinch's villa.

© 2011 - All Rights Reserved - Rachel Hoyt

Thank you Neatorama for inspiring this limerick!

The Single Girl's 12 Years of Christmas

(Feel free to skip to the end if you aren't the type to sing along like me. 
Otherwise, get ready to sing a new version of the 12 Days of Christmas... gleefully.)

Ostrich photograph ©2011 - Rachel Hoyt
Holiday photo editing assistance provided by Lens Tripping Photography. 
Thank you, Jewell.  You rule!

On my first single Christmas,
I wished Santa’d bring to me
A magic money-growing tree.

On my second single Christmas,
I wished Santa’d bring to me
Two handymen,
And a magic money-growing tree.

On my third single Christmas,
I wished Santa’d bring to me
Three nice seamen,
Two handymen,
And a magic money-growing tree. 

On my fourth single Christmas,
I wished Santa’d bring to me
Four fine diners,
Three nice seamen,
Two handymen,
And a magic money-growing tree.

On my fifth single Christmas,
I wished Santa’d bring to me
Five gay designers,
Four fine diners,
Three nice seamen,
Two handymen,
And a magic money-growing tree.

On my sixth single Christmas,
I wished Santa’d bring to me
Six gamblers gambling,
Five gay designers,
Four fine diners,
Three nice seamen,
Two handymen,
And a magic money-growing tree.

On my seventh single Christmas,
I wished Santa’d bring to me
Seven jokesters rambling,
Six gamblers gambling,
Five gay designers,
Four fine diners,
Three nice seamen,
Two handymen,
And a magic money-growing tree.

On my eighth single Christmas,
I wished Santa’d bring to me
Eight posh vintners,
Seven jokesters rambling,
Six gamblers gambling,
Five gay designers,
Four fine diners,
Three nice seamen,
Two handymen,
And a magic money-growing tree.

On my ninth single Christmas,
I wished Santa’d bring to me
Nine soul sisters,
Eight posh vintners,
Seven jokesters rambling,
Six gamblers gambling,
Five gay designers,
Four fine diners,
Three nice seamen,
Two handymen,
And a magic money-growing tree.

On my tenth single Christmas,
I wished Santa’d bring to me
Ten pills for popping,
Nine soul sisters,
Eight posh vintners,
Seven jokesters rambling,
Six gamblers gambling,
Five gay designers,
Four fine diners,
Three nice seamen,
Two handymen,
And a magic money-growing tree.

On my eleventh single Christmas,
I wished Santa’d bring to me
Eleven gems for gawking,
Ten pills for popping,
Nine soul sisters,
Eight posh vintners,
Seven jokesters rambling,
Six gamblers gambling,
Five gay designers,
Four fine diners,
Three nice seamen,
Two handymen,
And a magic money-growing tree.

On my twelfth single Christmas,
I wished Santa’d bring to me
free plastic surgery,
Eleven gems for gawking,
Ten pills for popping,
Nine soul sisters,
Eight posh vintners,
Seven jokesters rambling,
Six gamblers gambling,
Five gay designers,
Four fine diners,
Three nice seamen,
Two handymen,
And a magic money-growing tree! 

© 2011 - All rights reserved - Rachel Hoyt

Technorati Tags: Christmas, Holidays, Song Parody, Humor, Rhyme, Poetry

Doors and Windows Ramble

Image by phoenixrisesagain

Doors and windows; windows and doors;

More exciting to look at than ceilings and floors.

Doors and windows; windows and doors;

Both often make excellent metaphors.

Doors and windows; windows and doors;

Amazingly good at drowning out snores.

Doors and windows; windows and doors;

Places known to gather mold spores.

Doors and windows; windows and doors;

Symbols of our "keeping up with the Jones" scores. 

Doors and windows; windows and doors;

My studies taught me very little about yours.

© 2011 - All rights reserved. - Rachel Hoyt


This is my rhyming response to
Smiley Sociology Study #10.
It was inconclusive, so I made you
a silly random rhyme again.

Technorati Tags: Window, Door, Humor, Rhyme, Poetry

Rubber-Band Regret

These rhymes were written for Mad-Kane's Limerick Off.

Click to read more funny entries.  I promise you won't scoff.

VERSION #1:

A guy who was frequently prone

to gain cash that others had blown

spent a small fortune on

rubber-bands, with a yawn.

"I'd invested if only I'd known."

© 2011 - All rights reserved - Rachel Hoyt

VERSION #2:
   

A guy who was frequently prone

to gain cash that others had blown

spent a small fortune on

rubber-bands, with a yawn.

"Esto me hace un papelón?"

© 2011 - All rights reserved - Rachel Hoyt

(Non-Rhyming Side Note: I changed the final line because I have always wanted to rhyme in Spanish and this seemed a great time to try it.  The translation is, roughly, "This makes me foolish?" or "This makes a fool out of me?")

Technorati Tags: Cash, Money, Rubber-Bands, Humor, Limerick, Poetry

Smiley Sociology Study #11 - Gifts

Image by digitalart via freedigitalphotos.net

I find in December it's hard not to think about

gifts I loved and / or could have lived without,

items most likely to be re-gifted or returned,

and the silly things for which I once yearned.

So, I've made gifts the theme for this month's study

in hopes you have a story for me, your blog buddy.

Use the gift giving theme however you like...

perhaps share the memory of receiving your first bike?

You have the whole month to write something creative...

or perhaps you prefer to share something contemplative?

I'll use your posts next month for my inspiration

and share your links within a rhyming study summation.

Non rhyming directions for the poetry challenged:

(1) Create a new post about doors and windows or link to one that was already on your blog. Please note: your post does not need to be poetic or rhyming. All styles of blogs are welcome as long as their post is about doors and windows.

(2) Please include a link back to the Smiley Sociology Study within your post to help spread the word about the link exchange. The more "data" / posts I have to peruse, the better pseudo sociological results I can produce!

(3) copy the link for that post and paste link into Mister Linky below.
Please link directly to the post you want to share, not to your home page.
I will delete your link from the study if I cannot find a post about doors and windows to link to directly.

(4) leave a comment here to let me know you've posted a link

(5) read links left by others and tell them (nicely) what you think

Techno Brains

Image by Salvatore Vuono via freedigitalphotos.net

I remember my mom's first Palm Pilot.

We all joked that she'd bought

a better brain; coherent thought.

Now our "brains" are bigger and faster.

The cell phone has become our master.

We rely on it to save us from disaster.

Talking while walking, you can't look before

crossing the street - is danger in store?

A phone app can alert you to that which you ignore.

You also don't need a detective

to determine if your spouse defected.

Find my phone app = location detected.

Never worry about drunk dialing again.

Let the Designated Dialer decide when

your hands are too shaky to call a "friend".

And when teens and technology start driving you nuts,

and you need a phone app's help (and have guts),

get the Annoy a Teen app!  It's fun - no ifs, ands, or buts!

Never again waste time thinking independently!

If there's no app yet, there'll be one eventually.

Techno brains will rule some day... inevitably!

© 2011 - All Rights Reserved - Rachel Hoyt

 

Technorati Tags: Technology, Phone, Brain, Humor, Sarcasm, Poetry

Perky Turkey Talk

If I was not a meat eater at this time of year

I would wish for my own pet wild turkey.

I'd train him to be nice but make people fear

eating tofurkey without looking perky.

Turkeys may drop dead from deafening noise

and risk drowning themselves in the rain,

but if Ben Franklin had gotten his first bird choice

they would be too patriotic to be slain.

Their survival instincts have saved them thus far.

Or, is it their ability to reproduce repeatedly?

When you gobble to announce proudly who you are

is it fair to wonder, "Why oh why would they eat me?"

© 2011 - All rights reserved - Rachel Hoyt

 

Technorati Tags: Thanksgiving, turkey, Tofurkey, Humor, Muppets, Poetry

Josh from "Its Tiger Time" invented You Tube Tuesday so we could each share one video a week which we found to be fun, inspiring or otherwise noteworthy.  If you choose to participate, don't forget to leave your links in my comments section (so I can come visit you) and on Josh's page (so you can be part of the contest).

Say Nope-a to SOPA

Image by jscreationzs via freedigitalphotos.net

The Internet has given us reasons to smile, laugh and cheer,

but also causes its fair share of crimes, squabbles and sneers.

It's no surprise there is a push to regulate pirating goons,

but what about the other world wide web wandering buffoons?

We tolerate Facebook groups that help spread chicken pox.

We "allow" compromising photos of celebrities and jocks.

We find our enemies and their fans trash talking and plotting.

We track the life of fast food that's not molding while rotting.

This information highway we share with the world

has caused our lives to be twisted and twirled

into a simmering supernova of opinions and ideas.

more valuable than all of the world's pizzerias.

Don't give Hollywood the power to flip the switch

on the websites making them a little less rich.

Their crack down might make an interesting movie plot,

but their ideas fail in reality more often than not.

© 2011 - All Rights Reserved - Rachel Hoyt

Technorati Tags: Entertainment, Internet, Censorship, Humor, Opinion, Poetry

Turn Up the Tomfoolery

When Tim Ferriss isn't teaching us how to gain muscle mass fast or work less hours,
he does things like this tomfoolery with his knowledge and powers.

I've been feeling that my life, lately,

could use a bit more tomfoolery.

The harder you work the more you need play,

so why not learn a new fun trick today?

It may not be cool to pull rabbits from top hats,

but it could be hip to hypnotize cranky cats.

And who doesn't like a good table side trick?

Some use silverware to look funny and slick.

Some celebrate other countries' holidays

to indulge their creative and silly ways.

Some pose silly for pictures they'll pose online.

(I do it to - to prove I've had a good time.)

Really, those moments of silliness are the best.

For me they hold the power to wipe out the rest.

I fear that my skills are lacking.  How about yours?

Shall we both add "learn new tricks" to our list of chores?

I don't know if I'll master the spoon-fork trick above,

but I'll try if I find some silverware I don't love.

I think the "not peeling" your hard boiled eggs secret

is a trick I could learn with less bodily harm and regret.

If I came across a blow horn rigged door,
it's likely I'd fall in fear to the floor.
Hopefully, I would laugh it off in the end
and be thankful to share a smile with a friend!

© 2011 - all rights reserved - Rachel Hoyt

Technorati Tags: Entertainment, Blogging, Video, Humor, Tricks, Poetry

I've shared this poem at the D'Verse Poets Pub -
my favorite place to drink poetry up - glug, glug.

Josh from "Its Tiger Time" invented You Tube Tuesday so we could each share one video a week which we found to be fun, inspiring or otherwise noteworthy.  If you choose to participate, don't forget to leave your links in my comments section (so I can come visit you) and on Josh's page (so you can be part of the contest).

Bacteria Face

image by digitalart via freedigitalphotos.net

This week the White House responded to our petition

where we demanded public recognition

of any knowledge of life other life forms,

space land happenings beyond the norm,

but, not surprisingly, they said they know nothing.

Most of us don't believe they haven't seen a thing.

We keep discovering new planets and stars

and soon we're shipping some germs to Mars.

Is it really possible we haven't seen

any aliens anywhere, be they not green?

Are they trying to create little martian men

by flinging bits of ourselves into space now and then?

It wasn't long after the White House announcement

that I heard about where the germs will be sent.

I wonder if they planned it all in one meeting?

Do they ever indulge wacky thoughts that are fleeting?

"Hey guys.  After we tell the people there's no life in outer space,

want to launch some bacteria and see if it turns into a face?"

Copyright © 2011 - All Rights Reserved - Rachel Hoyt

Technorati Tags: Space, Aliens, White House, Humor, Opinion, Poetry

Trippy Transportation

My friend Jim got me thinking about transportation;

the wondrously weird ways we've gotten 'round in this nation.

I discovered this top ten list that will likely astound you.

In fact, there are a few that might actually dumbfound you.

I applaud them all for their bold expression of creativity

and boldly driving their crazy crafts where all the world can see.

© 2011 - all rights reserved - Rachel Hoyt

I'm sharing this rhyme in Holes in My Soles's Magnificent Monday

and also with the group that enjoys You Tube Tuesday fun day.

Josh from "Its Tiger Time" invented You Tube Tuesday so we could each share one video a week which we found to be fun, inspiring or otherwise noteworthy.  If you choose to participate, don't forget to leave your links in my comments section (so I can come visit you) and on Josh's page (so you can be part of the contest).

Jelly Bean Animator

A woman was famous worldwide
and wanted to take a wild ride.
She felt a call to create
To jelly bean animate
and did something that no one else tried.

© 2011 - all rights reserved - Rachel Hoyt

Technorati Tags: Entertainment, Jelly Bean, Animation, Creative, Limerick, Poetry

This rhyme was written for Mad Kane's limerick contest.
Come on over to read or participate.  Her blog is one of the best!

Daylight Saving Time Rhyme

image by Paul via freedigitalphotos.net

I grew up in Arizona, scoffing Daylight Saving Time.

(That's right.  There's no "s".  I spelled that just fine.)

The "zonies" and Hopi opted out of the plan,

while the Navajo signed on as a time change fan.

Their tribe owns a donut shaped piece of my state.

I guess taking a bite out of both was my fate.

I now live in California and love to ride on the train,

but time change rules make taking Amtrack lame.

At 2:00 AM each fall the trains sit an hour on the line

because they can't leave earlier than the time on the sign.

I'm glad I've never ridden the train on "that night".

I bet the commotion would be quite a sight.

Growing up in the fifties would have been worse.

Time zones changed faster than a pirate can curse.

Back then, each individual locality could decide

the start and stop times to which they each would abide.

Iowa had 23 different DST "zones" one year.

Now THAT is the old school definition of queer.

It is still almost that crazy on our southernmost continent.

Each study team keeps time with the place from which they're sent.

When you live in a place that flips from constant light to darkness,

it's no doubt your sleep patterns will become a mess.

Plus, it's too cold and windy to visit your neighbors,

so you might as well keep time with those supporting your labors.

I wonder how many different time zones this rhyme will be read in?

Or if anyone will finish reading "before" they begin?
I hope all this time juggling is actually saving energy
because it causes many issues much easier to see.
In the spring we lose sleep, in the fall we gain darkness,
and in the process we create much much silliness.

© 2011 - all rights reserved - Rachel Hoyt


Don't forget to turn your clocks back this Sunday.
If you live in the U.S., November 6th is the day!

Technorati Tags: Entertainment, Daylight Saving Time, Humor, Poem, Poetry

Smiley Sociology Study #10 - Doors and Windows

Photo via Samuelmichaels.com - an excellent UK photographer
They say when one door closes a window opens.

That's the theme for the study this month my friends.

You can regale me with examples of this proverb come true,

be it about another or something that happened to you.

You could share photos of beautiful windows and doors

including pathways leading to them and pretty floors.

You can trace the history of that phrase and it's validity

or dream up another way to fit the theme and surprise me.

You have the month of November to post something link in.

Let the Smiley Sociology Study fun begin!

Next month, after I've analyzed all your posts,

I'll write my own rhyme and link to the entries I liked most.

Non rhyming directions for the poetry challenged:

(1) Create a new post about doors and windows or link to one that was already on your blog. Please note: your post does not need to be poetic or rhyming. All styles of blogs are welcome as long as their post is about doors and windows.

(2) Please include a link back to the Smiley Sociology Study within your post to help spread the word about the link exchange. The more "data" / posts I have to peruse, the better pseudo sociological results I can produce!

(3) copy the link for that post and paste link into Mister Linky below.
Please link directly to the post you want to share, not to your home page.
I will delete your link from the study if I cannot find a post about doors and windows to link to directly.

(4) leave a comment here to let me know you've posted a link

(5) read links left by others and tell them (nicely) what you think

Super Toddler to the Rescue

Little Lia Vega, you are a real life superhero.
I didn't need to see a cape around your neck to know.
At age two, you used your words and mastered a cell phone
when mommy needed help and no one else was home.
That instinct will serve you well throughout life.
I hope you continue to use it to out smart strife.

© 2011 - all rights reserved - Rachel Hoyt


Technorati Tags: Entertainment, Superhero, Children, Saved, Poetry

I've Got a Sweet Tooth for This Book

Once upon a time, at the edge of the galaxy,

two sweet tooths decided to start a family.

The cravings these two shared weren't all about candy,

but while drawing and writing they surely ate plenty.

The she sweet tooth spun silly tales with hidden adult meaning.

The he sweet tooth doodled them to make kids think they're dreaming.

Together they created a new type of candy store -

one with bubbly cartoons and rockin' rhymes galore!

Everyone who wants to can visit their store

and come back again anytime they want more

in The Candy Store at the Edge of the Galaxy,

a rhymetastic new book I thought you should see.

The brief theme of gambling and talk of rear ends

might bother my more conservative friends

but really the collection is wholesome and cute

and contains lessons written by someone very astute.

© 2011 - all rights reserved - Rachel Hoyt

Before I go, let me leave you with one poem from the book.

I should hope that, by now, you're dying to take a look!

BAD DAY

by Aleza Freeman

My hair is tangled,

My nails are a mess,

I spilled a soy latte

all over my dress.

There's a hole in my sock,

I tripped over a rock,

I was late for my date

'cause I don't have a clock.

My head is pounding,

My pet bird is dead,

I just got a ticket

for running a red.

Overdue for vacation

but working instead.

Oh, why did I even

get out of bed?

© 2011 - Big Doodle Head


This post was written for Smiley Sociology Study #9.
Come join the book review link exchange while there's still time!

Stopping Satellite Showers

Image by fotographic1980 via freedigitalphotos.net

The sky is spewing satellites down upon the earth.

Once they land, far fewer parts will have value or worth.

Plus, allowing them to just come flying, crashing down,

brings much fear upon my heart and to my face a frown.

I'm glad to hear one company has a well timed, thorough plan

to save us money while recycling all the space junk that they can.

They plan to launch one big craft loaded with several smaller pods

which they'll dispatch to scavenge for valuable satellite rods.

I fear our worsening whirling, swirling atmosphere of debris.

I'd love to let a remote controlled vessel brave this danger for me.

I do hope said vessel is prepared to be watched like a hawk

to ensure that all it does is reconfigure used antennae stock.

I learned from the story of Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout

that you should always, always, always take the garbage out.

If we continue to let our satellite junk accumulate,

satellite showers will be our destiny and death by trash our fate.

To survive we'd have to find the place Sarah Stout's neighbors hid,

while ignoring a simple lesson learned long ago as an innocent kid.

We need not (yet) fear getting crushed by a tower of rancid spoiled food,

but we may get stabbed by satellite parts as proof that ditching trash is rude.

© 2011- all rights reserved - Rachel Hoyt

Technorati Tags: Space, Junk, Recycle, Humor, Satellite, Poetry

Would you like to receive rhymes from the author by mail?
I'll send them to you every two months without fail
on a special photo poetry postcard designed by me
of some everyday beauty I thought you should see.